Drache Kin's Blog

what i have been up to...

2004-10-24T22:12:00.000+10:00

Haven't been blogging for a while. Yes, been super busy. Not only with schoolworks, but also with my new CG, Solagracia. It has been a blessing to join them. It took me quite a while to get used to the different aura of this CG from my old one, Agape. But thank God, at last I could truly fit in. Thanks loads for this great new brothers and sisters in Christ.

Starting from tomorrow, I shall call Baillieu my home. This is my last shot to do justice to the money my parents have spent for my school fee. I've been slacking too much for the past 2 years. Maybe it's time for me to face the fact: Slacking is not a funny thing! I need to grow up. Huakakaka... Look who's talking.

Well, gonna sleep now. Just pray to God that the following weeks I can resist temptation and study hard. Pray for me also, guys.

Pancake disaster

2004-10-09T14:19:00.000+10:00

Planned to make indonesian pancake today. Well, I bought all the ingredients last week. All? Well, apparently not. I forgot to buy the special chocolate sprinkles for the pancake. Let me explain why I can't use ordinary cooking chocolate or chocolate sprinkles. It's because these special chocolate sprinkles are coated with a lard-type-substance. As a result, they don't melt readily and stay on top of the pancake mix during the frying process. Ordinary chocolate would melt and sink due to the heat and as a result, it wouldn't turn out nice.

So, I quickly rushed to IGA across the street to get some. They didn't have... So, I went to QV. Surprise surprise, they also don't have. I figured that maybe the choc sprinkle is an Indo thing. I was thinking whether I wanted to go to Glenferrie (the Indo town) to get the choc sprinkles. But I couldn't be bothered. So, I went home empty handed. When I was in King Street, I just remembered that the Chinese groceries should have it. Argh... Too lazy to go back to the city again.

Pancake day is officially cancelled. Next week perhaps... Sorry, Andri - Su - Bebe.

Death test

2004-10-07T22:47:00.000+10:00

I've been studying like mad for the past 3 days... preparing for IBS (Integrated Biomedical Science) test. Wah lao, before the holiday, I was determined to score an H1 for this test. Due to a lack of interest in studying during the holiday (humm, he he), I lowered my standards. I aimed for a decent mark: an H2A or an H2B. After trying to cram 43 lectures in 3 days, I decided to once again lower my expectations. This time, a pass would be enough.

Hemm, the exam questions were not difficult. Difficult would be an ultimate understatement. They were extra complicatedly scrudidlyumptuously difficult!!! Now I am happy to aim for a mark above zero. Oh, the horror! I had to use my feelings instead of my brain to answer most of the questions.

Here are some of the pics I took while Su, Andri and I were studying in the Baillieu library on Monday.

Su, cramming her stuff!!!

A carton of soy milk should help my brain to digest the super hard metabolism lecture

Andri, the nerd, is happily reading Meitantei Conan (comic) while we were studying.

Anyway, the test wasn't so bad. I may get a very bad mark. But, it's all good. I totally deserve it. Btw, thanks so much for Andri who treated us in Gandaria for his 19th birthday. Thanx a lot, dude. Sorry we got you the whole set Tales of Narnia instead of a Su in in a box.

Wanna thank my Lord

2004-10-03T23:32:00.000+10:00

Hehe, been a long time since I'v last updated my blog. Not much to add actually. Just wanna thank my Lord for being the best thing that has ever happenned in my life. Thanks for always being there. Thanks for letting me have everything I have now. Thanks for being such a great teacher, dad, bestfriend. You are great, Lord. How did I manage to survive all those 19 years without You in my life? I love you, Lord. You are awesome.

CARRY ME
-Hillsong-

You lead me in to Your courts
Surround me with Your love
I walk with You
I do not fear

In this place
Dreams are made
In this place
Where You are
Carry me here
In Your arms of love
Draw me close to You
I want to be where You are
I want to be where You are

You carry me, You are my strength
I've learnt to trust in You
And once again
I'm reaching out

What would you do if you were me?

2004-09-27T21:23:00.000+10:00

This blog is basically my train of thoughts right now. Please don't read it if you are very sensitive as it is quite harsh. The past week I have learned something very important. I have been trying too hard to be someone I'm not. I've been trying to fit in by conforming to whatever the people around me want me to be. I am sorry that I am not as perfect as people want me to be. I am sorry that my jokes are different. I am sorry that I do things differently. I am sorry that I am an odd bird. I'm sorry that I am too annoying for you to handle. I'm not going to change myself anymore just to fit in. I am what I am. My God loves me for what I am, and He doesn't hate me for what I am not. So, if anyone gets angry at me just because I do things differently... Tough luck! I'm not even bothering anymore.

I have never felt so bad about myself before the start of this year. I felt that I was so useless and that everything I did was always wrong. The fear of rejection haunted me all the time. Never in my life was I an object of anger and of annoyance as frequently as what I had experience in the last semester. You know what, maybe I do need to be someone else to be accepted. But I'd rather not be accepted than acting to be someone that I'm not. This week, as I try to spend more time with my friends, I realised that I have many friends that accept me for who I am. And, I am thankful for that. I thank the Lord for being so kind to me.

I guess, when Moon Ley asked me the question whether I was leaving Agape due to my feelings or due to the Lord's guidance, I would answer that it was (and still is) due to my feelings. But again, the fact that the Lord has introduced me to a place where I think I could grow more IS a sign of guidance. Yes, I have always been someone I was not during my time in Agape. It's quite hurtful, but it is true. Well, having said that, the decision is more less finalized.

I am sorry that by doing this I am hurting people around me. But again, who would care anyway? Don't get me wrong, I don't hate those who are angry or pissed with me or have made me feel bad. I'm just saying that it is better for you (and me) to stop hurting each other by minimizing our interactions.

Icha's birthday and the visiting a new place

2004-09-25T13:15:00.000+10:00

Wuarh... Yesterday was such a tiring day for me. But it was fun, though. It was my good friend - Icha's birthday. We decided to take her to my place and we were to bake a cake for her. I decided to bake green tea - red bean cake since Icha likes red bean. So poor thing, Icha was to be locked inside my room while all of us were working in the kitchen. Hahaha. Here's the chronology:

Prepare pans, baking trays, mixers, scales, spatulas and all those needed to bake cakes.

When the cake is ready and cooled down, personalise it with writings using chocolate filling piped through a cone. Erm, I don't think that's the correct idea, Natalia.

Start to make decorations!

Cake is ready to be served. I love the contrast.

Birthday girl makes a wish and cuts the cake...

and distributes them to her close friends. (that's us, btw)

End the celebration with eating in an La Porchetta. Nyammm!!!

Straight after the party, I went to meet Michael and Julie to pay a visit to their CG. Their CG is fun and kinda jayus. But yeah, it was all good. Hemm...

The Impressionists

2004-09-24T12:03:00.000+10:00

I went to see The Impressionists just now with Darryl, Linsey and Sofia. What are the impressionists, you may ask? Well, quoting from the definition written in one of the posts there: "they are impressionists in the sense that they render not the landscape, but the sensation produced by the landscape."

In 1874 a group of French painters held an exhibit of their work in Paris. Art critics were outraged by the "unfinished" appearance of the paintings. The artists were strongly criticized for their sloppy techniques and workmanship. One critic used the term "impressionistic" to mockingly describe all of the exhibited work. After the exhibit the painters adopted this term and became known to the art world as "The Impressionists." Today the works of these artists and many of their contemporaries are among the most popular and valued in the world. Some of these artists are Renoir, Degas, Sisley, Van Gogh. Monet, Morissot, Pissarro and many more.

Some of the works that really struck me, are these ones:

The picture by Van Gogh. The darkness gives a more vibrant colour than the day. That's what Van Gogh said. Well, I do see why.

The Parisiens, by Claude Manet. I love this one. It shows how the French in the 19th century are not united.

Morissot's painting of a mother babysitting. So sweet.

what i have been up to

2004-09-23T15:03:00.000+10:00

What have I been up to?

1. Happy 19th birthday Andri!!!
We came over to celebrate Andri's birthday on Monday the 21st of September. The candle-blowing ritual was such a cheapskate moment. The two candles, which made the number 19, were actually secondhand. They were used before for Michelle's birthday. Louise then shouted to Andri to quickly blow the candles coz we would need them for Su's upcoming birthday. Duh!
Playing bridge was super fun! We started at 12 a.m. and the game ended at 4.30 a.m. Some stupid things that I did while playing:
1. Mistaking spade for clubs.
2. Always quiet during bidding:
Lou: "Andrew, can u please say something (during bidding)."
Dru: "Pass!"
Everyone: "Duh!"

2. Cooking!!!
Been cooking a lot these past few days. After neglecting working in the kitchen for a year or so, I have actually started cooking again. Not only that, I have also been baking. I love cooking, but I hate washing the dishes. Why is that? I don't know why, but I think it's because cooking needs creativity. It'as a kind of art. On the other hand, washing is just a monotonous boring routine. Hemm, such a weak argument yea?

You guys are my lentil soup... :(

2004-09-22T13:18:00.000+10:00

It has been a while since Ive updated my blog. It's not that I am lazy or that I don't have time. It's just that until yesterday, I am unsure whether I should share about this matter in the web. Shall I start with how Alpha Camp went? Yea, I think I should.

Camp was awesome! I've met many new people and even know them quite well. It is a very different environment from OCF (my current CG). The camp took place in Mount Disappointment... er, I'm not joking. I left for the campsite at 8 p.m. The journey normally takes 1.5 hours. However, we got lost. It took us 2.5 hours to get to the place. I was so panicked coz the car was a sedan - I get roadsick more easily when travelling with a sedan - and the dark environment, all of a sudden, made me felt claustrophobic. For the last half an hour or so inside the car, I was so panicked that I almost caught an asthma attack. Sounds so stupid, right? But it was all good. We arrived safely and just in time for supper (a very late one).

The next morning, I went sightseeing with my friend, Roxanna. The camp is surrounded by acres of wood. The ghostly scenery I was confronted with the night before turned into such a magnificent view. The forest seemed so scary at night, but in the presence of light, the view is just breathtaking. During our daytime freetime, we played soccer, pool, table tennis, air hockey, and many other cool games. And at night, we played strange games like Bing Bang Wah, Fuzzy Bunny, Mafia, Truth and Dare. It was sooo fun. We also went walking around the campsite at night. It wasn't such a good idea coz we managed to get lost. The scenery was beautiful, though. The stars were so magnificent. We can see shooting stars a number of times. Aaaah, the things that we take for granted. The Lord creates such a wonderful world for us. This is Eden.

The hard part is that these people I met in camp are my lentil soup. Meaning that I am feeling such a connection with them that I might leave OCF. A lot of things are inside my mind. I am just going to take everything slowly - step by step. I can't promise anything now. I'm just gonna see where God takes me. - SoRrY -

The scenery during daytime is breathtaking. I wonder why it is called Mt. Disappointment.

When we were lost in the forest at night. It's not like everyone was panicking.

Yes, I had to do a skit. I totally humiliated myself.

my lentil soup

cute photo. i like this picture a lot.

La Vie En Rose

2004-09-16T22:34:00.000+10:00

The soundtrack of Jeux D'enfants or Love Me If You Dare is officially stuck inside my head. It is now the national anthem of my shower routine. I just can't help it. That movie left such a deep impression to me. I can't explain why. It just did.

Hemm, Friday... It will come tomorrow. I will be going on Alpha Camp for the weekend. So, I won't be blogging for a while. Hope that I can get loads of good pictures around the campsite. I'm not hoping too much out of this camp. I just want to be in a quiet environment so that I can hear what He is trying to say more clearly. That is all I want.

To Shanna, have a safe journey back to Singapore.

what makes a good movie a good movie

2004-09-15T23:19:00.000+10:00

Recently, my friend, Dennis, posted a review in his blog on what makes a movie a good movie. I thought that his arguments were quite good. What is a measure of a good movie? Is it the amount of money needed to produce the film? Or is it measured by the movies' total income?

By making a generalized assumption, I would like to argue that both of the factors mentioned earlier do not qualify as a fine measure of how good a movie is. A high budget movie, let's say 200 million dollars, is released. It has top notch visual effects, a great cast - full of heart throbs, and has very good marketing strategy (e.g. cool trailer). I would think that people would go and see the movie regardless whether the plot was good or crap. Thus, gravitating the big bucks. Let's not think too far. For example, The Matrix Reloaded. It made sooooo much money during its release back in 2003. Did anyone think that the movie was good? Judging from the story and the plot, I have not known anyone that liked the movie. The critics agreed that the effects were great, the good-looking actor's acting was not convincing enough, the concept, which was a phylosophy-meet-equivocation-meet-futuristic, did not work out so well, and the story was utterly horrendous. The critics loathed the movie. The viewers thought it was a very confusing eye-candy. But yet, it made soooooo much money. Is it one of your favourite movies though? I don't think so.

So what makes a good movie a good movie? I guess, the answer is subjective. My own personal opinion of a good movie is one that evokes your emotions, either through laughter or tear, stimulates your brain to start thinking about the problems or themes it presents and is capable of sticking in some of its aspects inside your mind. I must admit, I love brainless movies like Scary Movie, Naked Gun, American Pie, etc. However, my favorite movies are those that really stir my emotions and force me to think about the scenes, events, themes, settings, moral values and characters. Such movies are: The Passion of the Christ, Amelie, Spirited Away, The Pianist, The Lord of the Rings, Love Actually and many more.

I just watched Love Me If You Dare. It's a French psychopathic - romantic comedy. I thought the movie was quite good. Here's a short summary of the movie which I found from www.rottentomatoes.com.

Play is the exuberant expression of our being. It is at the heart of our creativity, our sexuality, and our most carefree moments in life. But there is also a shadow side to play. Sometimes we get so involved in role playing that the game hinders our expression of what we really feel. We then need friends and other loved ones to pull us out of this folly. This fanciful French film directed and co-written by Yann Samuell explores the shadow side of play in the lives of two soulmates who get carried away with a game of one-upmanship that has been at the center of their relationship for years.

The movie makes me think... Would I do stupid things for love? How far should I walk out from my comfort zone for love? What are the sacrifices that I have to make for love? Is love all that important that people are willing to risk their all to have it? Hemm, I love this feeling of being unsettled about stuff. Just try and give this movie a go. It's worth a shot.

question of faith

2004-09-14T21:43:00.000+10:00

Moonflower. What is it about you that makes me tranquilized whenever I smell you? I just can't help burning my moonflower scented oil burner everytime I come back from uni. It just gives me the peace of mind.

I've been reading some of my friends' blogs and chatted with another few in the past week. Everyone seems to be in depression, or at least has trouble. I don't know why, knowing that they are depressed, makes me depressed. I just remembered the conversation Sofia and I had one evening when we were walking home from school.

Andrew: "Many of my close friends are facing trouble."
Sofia : "Just don't let their depression affect you."
Drew: "Nah. It's their problem anyway. Why would I be depressed about it. I can only try and help them. Not obligated to solve their problems."
Sof : "Good then. You know, lately a lot of people get pissed of so easily."
Drew: "Why? PMS?"
Sofia pinched me and I screamed in pain in the empty Vic Market parking space.

Now here I am, feeling depressed because of some of my friends' problem. "Give in to the Lord," my heart shouts. But they aren't mine to give in to the Lord. I can only pray for them so that the relieve comes soon.

Oh, moonflower. You smell so good.

drewkie needs a break

2004-09-12T23:24:00.000+10:00

The following is my train of thoughts at this moment. I've had it inside my mind for weeks now and I know that I have posted some bits of it in my previous blog entries. So, guys, don't read it if you don't want to get bored.

Eurgh, today wasn't a very productive day. I really feel that I need break. I'm seriously fed up with school. I don't like the reports I have to write: pharmacology and physiology. I don't like waking up in the mornings to rush up for lectures that I barely understand. I don't like having to act happy while I'm not. I need a break!

Just one more week before the mid semester break commences. Looking forward for it. I'm definitely gonna spend the first few days sleeping and pigging. And you know what's the best thing of being home and pigging all day on your own?!? You're on you're own. I can do anything I like. I don't have to do things I don't want. Being alone and not be irritated or irritate anyone else. Only me me me me me and with Him. Can't wait for those days to come.

This weekend was full of unproductive things. But I managed to talk a lot to many of my good friends from Indo. Feel very nostalgic. I really wanna go home. I kinda regret it now that I didn't go back home last June. *Double thinks*. If I did go home, would God have changed me to the way I am now? Everything comes for a reason. I should not regret anything. *Feels justified*. This time in Indo, I'm gonna make full use of the three months there. I shall call it a retreat, instead of a holiday.

Missing you a lot. Being in this state for the past 4 years has been a curse for me. Many have come and go, but I am still back to point zero everytime I see the things that remind me of you. So near but yet so far.

Kazenone

2004-09-12T01:05:00.000+10:00

Just finished cleaning the house. It is now super clean. The kitchen smells of lavender. The living room is so neat without old newspaper and magazines lying everywhere. Hard work pays, man!

A picture paints a thousand words. I just uploaded the pictures I took using my camera. So, I decided that I am going to post some of them in my blog. I shall name it the wonderful world of colours since the ones I'm posting are those with vibrant colours. Do enjoy:

colourful pens that sit on my study desk

lint from my sofa

my lava lamp, there is something about it that i just love

guess what this is! it's a bowl filled with the remnants of a frog's body i dissected in physio prack. yuck... but the colours are nice, right?

doesn't it look like a ghost? it's actually my forehead that i took in darkness

andri, sofia and shanna standing on a bed of fallen autumn leaves

the tower of St. Paul's Cathedral

genetically engineered cauliflowers. the colours make me lose my apetite

campfire

freaky baby in a jar. saw this in SPP bookstore when browsing for pharmacology textbook

That's all folks.

:'(

2004-09-09T13:03:00.000+10:00

Oh noooo!!! I woke up at 11.30!!! Oh, man. I missed neuro lecture :'(. Sob... Last night I was to consumed in cleaning up the house. I finished cleaning the bathroom and ironing my laundry at 3. Great move, Andrew.

Don't know why, but I felt like crap today. Especially after turning on the TV and knowing that there was an explosion in the Australian embassy in Jakarta. It was a suicide bombing. Six people killed. All of the embassy staff are safe. I do not want to talk about this any further as it will only evoke anger and hatred in my heart. I can only pray for that the world will become a better place. Lord, please forgive them. They do not know what they are doing.

I'm currently listening to Final Fantasy Chronicles the soundtrack while writing my pharmacology practical report. It's cloudy outside. It's gonna rain soon enough. I'm planning to sit on the window balcony and see rain fall from there.

The naming of days

2004-09-08T20:28:00.000+10:00

Er, I'm not sure what to blog about, but I've decided to write on something that has been my passion since I was a cute little boy (now I'm a cute adult :P). It is mythology.

The names of the seven days of the week were derived from the names of the powerful deities of the world. For example, Monday was derived from the name Amen (or otherwise known as Amon), the king of Egyptian gods residing in Heliopolis. His name means 'hidden' and his form, or similitude, is said to be 'unknown'. When applied to the god, the name has reference to something more than the 'sun which has disappeared below the horizon' and that it indicates the god who cannot be seen with the mortal eyes, and who is invisible, as well as inscrutable, to gods as well as men. Thus, in honor of his name, the first day of the week is called Amon's Day or Monday.

Tuesday is named after the Greek god of thunder: Zeus. He was the supreme ruler of Mount Olympus and of the Pantheon of gods who resided there. Being the supreme ruler he upheld law, justice and morals, and this made him the spiritual leader of both gods and men. Zeus was a celestial god, and originally worshiped as a weather god by the Greek tribes. These people came southward from the Balkans circa 2100 BCE. He has always been associated as being a weather god, as his main attribute is the thunderbolt, he controlled thunder, lightning and rain. Not sure what the connection is between stormy weather and Tuesday. But yes, the second day is named Tuesday or Zeus' Day.

Wednesday is named after the Scandinavian god Odin (Woden). This god is extremely weird, man. He was known as the god who obtains wisdom of the past, present and future. But yet Odin was also known as the god of fury and violent death. To reach his hall Valhalla, one must die a battle death. He also loved human sacrifices. No wonder followers of his met such varied deaths as drowning and being thrown in snakepits. Eurgh. Well, despite the fact of all the freaky things he had done, Woden's day or Wednesday is named in his honor. Hemm, anyone born on a Wednesday?

The name Thursday also comes from Norse mythology. Thor was the god of war, thunder and strength. Thor destroyed the enemies of the gods with his magic hammer. It was he who chased away the frosts and called gentle winds and warm spring rains to release the earth from its bondage of ice and snow. He was also the god of the household and of the common people. He even married Sif a pesant woman. The lightning's flash was his mighty hammer, Mjolnir, hurled in battle with the frost giants, and the rolling thunder was the rumble of his fiery chariot. I made him sound like a real hero,... he was actually as nutty as his dad, Odin. Surprise surprise. Same gene pool, I guess.

It wouldn't be fair to have father and son (Odin and Thor) to have their names commemorated as the names of days without the presence of the wife and mother. To complete the picture, the fifth day of the week is named after the alpowerful Scandinavian goddess, Frigg. Frigg is the divine noble woman and housewife. She is the embodiment of womanhood and following Germanic tradition she is fiercely equal in authority to her husband. In no less than three of the myths she pits her cunning against Odin, and on each occasion she gets her way. Better watch out, guys. Ladies born on Friday have got attitude.

Who doesn't like Saturday? Hehehe. The name Saturday comes from the word Saturn's Day. Saturn is the Roman god of agriculture. Jupiter supposedly chased him away and he was taken in by the god Janus in Latium where he introduced agriculture and viniculture. This event heralded a period of peace, happiness and prosperity, the Golden Age. In memory of this Golden Age, each year the Saturnalia was observed on December 17 at his temple on the Forum Romanum. This temple, below the Capitoline Hill, contained the Royal Treasury and is one of the oldest in Rome. The Saturnalia was one of the major events of the year. Originally only one day, it was later extended to seven days. During this festival, business was suspended, the roles of master and slaves were reversed, moral restrictions were loosened and gifts were exchanged.

Last but not least... Sunday. It is named after the SUN. Hahah. Some say it is named after the Persian sun god, Shamash. Some believe that it is named after Helios, the Greek god that resides in Ethiopia. Argh, not sure.

Enough of pagan writings. I don't believe in deities, but I still find the myths amusing. I have always wanted to study them in depth. Gosh, I am an odd bird. :P

Just another monday

2004-09-06T23:41:00.000+10:00

Current condition : sick and tired of school and looking forward to mid term break. My room is in a mess... well, not really. My bathroom is in a mess, but I don't feel like cleaning it.

Listening to : The Corrs - Only When I Sleep and Pete Murray - Bail Me Out

Looking forward to: sleeping and Alfa Course. Geesh, do I sound super religious? I don't know why I'm like this now. I can't help it. Not that I regret it, coz I actually enjoy it. :P

Stories:

1. Puspa got evicted from her place in the Summit. Come to think of it, she may become my future neighbour as she is planning on getting a place in the Grand Central Apartments. *Thinking, thinking, thinking*. It's quite good to have Puspa around, I mean I can just come over to her place everytime I feel lonely. But again, imagining the things Puspa might do to me outweighs all the fun. Aaaaaaaaaa!!! Ampun Puspa, ampun Puspa!!!

2. Su and I have made a pact. We agreed to give up on chocolate and sweets until December. Plus, we agreed that Saturday will be our special day together. Yes, it's going to be so special. Playing badminton, I mean. I'm determined to be a better badminton player. Yeeehaaa!!! Well, Su, we better look good before departing for Rome.

3. Feeling proud of Indonesia's very own idol: Joy Destiny Tobing. She's super good. I think she's even better than Kelly Clarkson. Indonesia couldn't have chosen a better idol. Well, I lied actually. I thought, Nania (the second runner up) is a much better singer. It's just that she didn't have the whole superstar package. She is a bit overweight and in Indonesia, one's look is very important. But overall, I'm quite satisfied. Kyahahahaha!!! Well the main reason why I'm satisfied is that Delon did not win. Delon is this one guy who can go through every week only because of his looks. I was quite paranoid of the thought that Delon might become the Indonesian idol. But luckily, that didn't happen. Fuuuh!

Nania. Extremely powerful voice. She's my idol, no matter what everyone might say.

Delon. Good looks only... hey, I look better than him!

Joy! She is good too... I don't mind her being the first Indonesian Idol. Hail hail

Two brains and baking cakes

2004-09-03T23:33:00.000+10:00

The two biggest species of the dinousaurs, branchiosaurus and ultrasaurus, have two brains. Well, sort of. I just learned this in today's neuro lecture. Apparently, their bodies are way too big for one brain to control all their nervous systems. Hence, they both have two separate brains which control different parts of the body. One resides in the head, the other in the dorsoventral part of the body... meaning, near the butt. Hemm, apparently, the size of the human brain does not correlate to how big the body can grow. Thus, quoting from my lecturer's words, "Some people are just unfortunate to have a big body and a small brain." Ouch!

Went to make cake in Sofia's place. I planned to make banana cake, while Sofia planned to make apple tea cake. Long story short: my cake didn't turn up the way I expected it to be. Not only did it taste like crap, the outer coatings were crispy. So saaaad! If you thought that was bad, cleaning the container was even worst... the bloody cake sticks firmly to it. Hemm, the amazing adhesive force facilitated by chemical and physical reactions.

Luckily, however, Sofia's cake was a major success. She's a pro! Can compare the difference between the two cakes? Well, she's gonna teach me how to make her cake tomorrow. Have to succeed!!! Determined!

My failed cake, compare to...

Sofia's perfect donut shaped cake with apple decorations on top.

Oh well, there's always a next time.

Dunno what to blog about

2004-09-02T23:05:00.000+10:00

I've finished my neuro test. Well, I seriously dunno how I did. I'm not really confident but I'm refusing to accept the fact that in the end I might lose a lot of marks.

I'm tired of putting on this mask. I'm tired. I'm extremely tired. I really need a break. I'm just about to explode. God, make it quick. I really want it to be December. I can just see my house with ethnic Indonesian ornaments facing the garden where the mango and guava trees stand among the flowers. I can smell the feeling of being home. My home always has this strong sroma of moonflowers. Tranquilizing effect. Can't wait for that day to come. I am dying to find out the answer. I'm still hoping that the answer is what I want to see the people I really love, especially...

Somewhere Only We Know
-Keane-

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and i need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love
Is this the place that i've been dreaming of

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and i need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
talk about it somewhere only we know
this could be the end of everything
so why don't we go
somewhere only we know

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and i need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
talk about it somewhere only we know
this could be the end of everything
so why don't we go
somewhere only we know

this could be the end of everything
so why don't we go
somewhere only we know

Bittersweet...

2004-08-31T22:37:00.000+10:00

A lot has happenned to me recently. To tell the truth, the cross the Lord has put on my back is getting heavier. The more I think about it, the more I am scared of it. The clock is ticking and I am scared on what awaits. The major breakdown was most probably last weekend. Stressed on thinking about what it is to come has really blinded me. Plus the incident of getting hooked up again was bothering me the whole Sunday. Just when I thought the worst has come, I just had to see the ricecooker missing when I needed it the most. Think... there are a lot of people to blame (which I really did). But come to think of it, it's not at all a big deal really. It's all just because I was in an extremely bad mood.

I really should share about my Alfa Course Cell Group. I never really did feel a lot of connection with them until tonight. There's this girl named Roxanna in my CG. She's new to Christianity and asks a loooooot of questions. Most of them are so critical that even the CG leader, Angela, has trouble providing a satiable answer. When CG commences, Gayl, Marc and I always sit together and form the dynamic trio to (try to) counter Roxanna's answers. I must admit that most of the time, Roxanna beats the crap out of us and even leaves questions in our hearts. Hahaha... sounds like a competition already. Don't get me wrong, Roxanna is really cool and her questions are intelectual and not retarded. Makes me try to think hard and most of the times, giving myself 'homework' to pray about during quiet time. That's why it's really enjoyable to have her around our CG.

Angela, my CG leader, is this really nice lady from Columbia. Just found out today that we actually have the same background and our problems are actually quite similar. Thus, relating to her is really easy for me and she can provide answers that are just mindblowing for me. There is something in her that I just can't help but admire. During camp, I have a feeling that I will be talking a lot with her, Gayl and Marc. Can't wait for camp.

GDP does not stand for Guanidine Di-Phosphate. Duh! GDP stands for God Does Provide! Everytime I'm down, He slaps me hard on the face and suddenly I see the world in a new point of view. Small things may put me off track sometimes. But God never fails to make me realize that His love is always there for me. Now I know why in the expression 'bittersweet', the word sweet comes after bitter.^_^ I'm smiling... At last.

THERE IS A NEUROSCIENCE MID SEMESTER TEST ON THURSDAY, ANDREW!

:( Frown again.
Just kidding lah.

Repent?

2004-08-30T23:27:00.000+10:00

Well, first of all, I have deleted yesterday's blog. Yes, I meant every word I said yesterday. But because of that I have not slept all night as bad thoughts haunted my mind. The result , of course, was missing pharmacology and IBS lectures today. I guess, what I've said the other day was a bit too harsh. What is done is done. So I guess, I can only repent to Him... another downfall in my Christian life.

Thanks so muuuch for your prayer and support, Viv. My lawful wife, thanks for always being there with me in the good and in the bad. What would I do if you weren't there for me. ^_^

Well, enough about the gloomy stuff! It's Shanna's birthday today. Happy birthday, Abena darling. One more year before you can join my club. Hahaha!

Conversation of the day:

Sofia: "Andrew, where are you now?"

Andrew: "I'm working. Wassup?"

Sof: "Erh, can you buy Shanna's birthday cake?"

Dru: "Yea. Where? Bread Top?"

Sof: "Cakes in Bread Top not nice arh. Can you go to Maxim's instead?"

Dru: "Can."

Sof: "Can you get mango cheesecake from there. But it isn't mango and it isn't cake. It's something like pudding."

Dru: "Er,... can I rehearse the conversation in the shop with you first?"

Sof: "Okay."

Dru: "Exquse me, miss. Can I get the mango cheesecake which is not exactly a cake and it isn't cheesecake? It's something like a pudding."

Sof: "Don't be retarded!"

It's just one of those days when Sofia and I are just being retarded and feeling like irritating the hell out of each other. You know what, Sofia often lightens up my dark and gloomy days. So lucky to have a friend like her.

Museum

2004-08-29T00:04:00.000+10:00

All of a sudden, I feel extremely alone again. I feel like talking to someone. The thing is, I don't know who to talk to. I also don't know what to talk about. It seems that being alone too much these few weeks has taken its toll on me. I enjoy being a lone ranger, but why am I like this now?

Hemm, who are my friends? My Indo friends are now so different that I can barely recognize them. Sometimes I feel like putting everything in a museum... why? Because, er... it's a bit hard to explain. But I'll try and use a different approach to explain this matter: using Holden Caulfield's (the main character of Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger - one of my all time favorite novels) point of view towards the world and himself.

In the Catcher in the Rye, Salinger uses different examples of symbolism throughout the novel to let the reader into the thoughts of Holden Caulfield. One of them is the symbolism of the Museum of Natural History which represents an aspect of Holden's past. He remembers how he used to go there all the time, and how the wax figures were always the same, but from day to day, he was the only thing that would change. This is exemplified in a criticism by Frank Kermode, from the Speculator. Frank states, "Next he walks to the Museum of Natural History, which he loved as a child; it seemed 'the only nice, dry cozy place in the world.' Nothing changed there among the stuffed Indians and Eskimos; except you. You changed every time you went in." Because of this constant change, he realizes that he can't go back in time to be the same way that he used to be, and that his past can never return to his present.

It would be too much for me to expect my friends not to change as I also change. We all change. For the better? Or is it for the worse? Only You would know o, omniscient Lord.

Commitment... Agape

2004-08-28T02:35:00.001+10:00

I have made a commitment which is to be an active member of Agape Cell Group.

I have received too much from my CG, but giving none to it. I have always been a part of it, but have never felt the need of being involved in the life of it. Looking at the many problems our CG is facing and the burdens Sze Ying, Eddy, Sofia and John bear, I don't think it's really fair to not think about my CG.

Surprise-surprise, this decision was not made in an instance. It came across my mind when I read the prayer chain Eddy sent to us last week. Actually, being an active CG member has come across my mind a number of times last semester, but I have always thought that my English could not make it and that it would burden me too much. The problem right now is still the same. But I truly feel that this is a risk I must take. I have been praying to God lately about this. Although the prayer has not been answered yet, I don't think waiting without doing anything will give me the answer. So, I've decided to take action... and perhaps, I will be able to find the answer as I walk along this path I've chosen.

Basic question... What am I to do from here?
*Diaong*
It seems that I still need a lot of praying to do.

Stumbled across some of the pictures during these few months in OCF:

July Camp photo... incomplete but nice

Su & Miko... Miko has helped me learn a lot about myself

Eating ice cream at Il Dolce Freddo. Yummm...

How Sofia Popiah got her name

Humble sushi dinner

Urinoir Day

2004-08-27T23:46:00.000+10:00

I have to pay tribute to all those people working daily in labs examining people's urine to find what kind of disease(s) one may have. It is seriously 'stinky' business, man! The first time I was examining and diluting my pee and my colleagues' pee, I really felt like vomiting. The urine vapour and odour was just too overwhelming for me. It was only persistance that made me continue. Okay, that was a bit too dramatic. It wasn't actually that bad. After 10 minutes or so, you just get so used to the smell that your smell-buds becomes immune to it.

In today's prack, I had to be the subject taking vasopressin or antidiuretic hormone (ADH). I thought I was suppossed to sniff the darn hormone. But it turned out that I had to snug a small bottle into my nostril and then push a button on the sides of the bottle to eject the hormone into my respiratory system, and thus, my blood stream.

Here's some easy science for you guys who do not take science:

The kidney is the main site of urine production and water absorption. The tubules, sites at which water absorption takes place, are by default impermeable to water - meaning that water would not be able to be absorbed to find the perfect amount of urine needed to be excreted (dumped). ADH functions as an agent providing permeability to the tubular walls, allowing passage for water eflux (and in some cases, influx). By taking ADH, my urine would be super concentrated as more water is absorbed. In less scientific terms, more concentrated would mean that that the urine is smaller in volume, saltier, more smelly and more yellow (ewww!). After inhaling the ADH spray, I was told not to drink anything for 8 hours or do strenuous exercise for 24 hours as it may result in the collapsing of the body due to fluid imbalance (i.e. homeostasis is not achieved).

Shanna and Sofia became subjects that had to take alcohol. Hemm, they seemed a bit drunk. Sofia said that she wasn't, but I can tell that Shanna was really struggling to think straight during prack. The purpose of the usage of alcohol in this experiment is not to make people drunk (surprise, surprise). It is used as a diuretic, an agent which blocks the work of ADH. So, more fluid is retained in the bladder and then more pee (less smelly, tastes bland and whiter) is excreted. :P

Enough science for today. I'm sorry, I just can't help the fascination of experimenting with pee. I think ADH has affected the neural cells in my brain. Hahahaha!!!

Am I Heading In The Right Drection?

2004-08-26T23:13:00.000+10:00

Er, been feeling kinda weird lately. I have been a total slacker this week. Can you imagine, I am suppossed to finish my physio reading for tomorrow's prack. But yet, I could not understand a thing... so I blog. Hehehe.

These few days have been shocking for me (not necessarily in a bad way, though). Learning that some of my friends in Indo are starting to dislike each other is just too much for me to swallow. Some of the problems, I should say, are quite silly. Like, just because friend A's girlfriend is too shy to meet friend B's mum, friend B says that friend B is a totally different person and is extremely annoying. Duh! What else ya? Oh ya, friend C apparently thinks that friend D is evil and arrogant coz he forgot her birthday. Hemm, so much for all the friendship we planted for 18 years. Once we are all separated, things just go downhill.

Apart from this, I managed to get in touch with my old friend from senior college, Mardika. I've also managed to talk a lot with Didit, Deny, Sari and Dennis lately. I've been quite antisocial lately. I am actually quite enjoying it, I must say. But still, having friends is a very good feeling. You feel loved, accepted and ... you feel that God loves you a looooooooooooooooooooooooot. So I think it is time for me to treat my friends better.

The Combined Party

2004-08-17T00:31:00.000+10:00

Argh, the day has come. It's time for the combined party. It is the day for us the Fast Trackers to reunite after 3 long months of vacuum moments of togetherness.
The location: Waterfront Seafood Bar, Crown Entertainment Centre.
The occassion: to celebrate Ali's, Ellen's, Karina's and my birthday plus a farewell party for Ellen who will be leaving for America tomorrow.
It was rather fun, actually, being able to meet such dear friends. Togetherness is very precious, I would not trade it for anything. Ah, just another day in paradise. Here are some of the pictures I took:

Enjoying my cocktail. Yumm!

One dozen pacific oysters. Now you see it.

Now you don't.

Receiving our presents.

An unexpected gift from Waterfront. This is purely death by chocolate.

The ultimate birthday cake... looks good and tastes good.

The night ended with a gazzilion hugs. We all know very well, that our group will be separated again for quite a while. Will miss you loads, Ellen. Love ya, sis!

Personality test

2004-08-11T15:56:00.000+10:00

Feelingvery bo liau during the two hour break in between the two pharmacology lectures. So here goes:

Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html

It is proven,... I love myself a lot. Sighs...

Feel like blogging in Indo

2004-08-10T00:39:00.000+10:00

Terkadang...

Terkadang aku merasa kalau persahabatan di dunia ini benar2 fana. Semuanya tidak ada yang abadi. Masalah sepele bisa jadi masalah besar dan membuat persahabatan jadi kacau. Aku sudah muak dengan semua ini...

Terkadang apa yang ingin aku ungkapkan bisa ditangkap oleh lawan bicara menjadi sesuatu yang benar2 bertolak belakang dari maksud yang ingin aku sampaikan. Salah kaprah ya istilahnya.

Terkadang aku hanya berusaha membantu, tapi entah mengapa bantuanku yang aku berikan secara tulus dicurigai. Ada udang di balik batu, katanya. Yah, inilah hidup.

Terkadang aku hanya berusaha ramah dan membuat suasana ceria. Tapi memang dasar manusia memang benar2 hebat; sebagus apapun sesuatu itu, engga bakalan pernah bisa membuat semua manusia di dunia ini setuju bahwa sesuatu itu memang bagus. Pasti ada deh yang bilang, "Ah, norak."

Terkadang aku merasa kalau aku benar2 kesepian; tidak punya teman. Sekarang bukanlah saat dimana aku sedang kesepian. Aku justru merasa muak dengan yang namanya persahabatan. Persahabatan manusiawi itu sungguh rapuh. Aku sampai merasa heran... Perlu fondasi apa ya supaya bisa awet dan tahan lama?

Terkadang aku merasa kalau aku ini bukan apa2 tanpa teman2ku. Sekarang bukanlah saat dimana aku merasa sedih karena tidak punya teman. Aku justru merasa senang sendirian. Tidak ada janji2 untuk ditepati kecuali kepada diriku sendiri. Tidak ada kata2 dari mulutku yang dapat membuat diriku sendiri sakit hati. Tidak ada maksud dari lubuk hatiku yang terdalam yang bisa membuatku salah tangkap.

Terkadang aku merasa kalau aku sendirian aku bakalan kesusahan. Iya, kalau sendirian memang manusia bakalan kesusahan. Tapi aku kan sendiri? Kenapa aku engga kesusahan? Sebab aku ada sahabat yang selalu menemaniku ke manapun aku pergi. Iya gak, Yesus? Ke manapun aku pergi, Kau selalu ada. Gobloknya aku baru sadar akan keberadaan-Mu belum lama ini.

Terkadang aku merasa takut mengulangi kesalahan untuk keduakalinya. Iya sih, apalagi soal persahabatan. Tapi aku benar2 percaya bahwa persahabatanku dengan Tuhan bukan seperti persahabatanku dengan siapapun di dunia ini. Tak bisa kusangkal, kadang aku merasa marah dan sedih akan salib yang harus aku pikul gara2 kenal dengan Tuhan. Tapi aku tetap percaya bahwa hubungan kita akan tetap membukit meski jalan ke atas bukit penuh dengan jalanan becek, kerikil tajam, semak berduri, hewan buas, ranjau, bom nuklir dan hujan meteor. Tidak bisa kupungkiri, aku akan sering meleng dari jalan. Nah, tampar aku, Sahabat. Jangan sampai diriku terpeleset di jalanan yang becek, tergores oleh kerikil yang tajam, tertusuk duri semak, digigit hewan buas, menginjak ranjau, terkena radiasi nuklir ataupun tertimpa meteor.

Bolehkah aku bernyanyi dengan lantang untuk-Mu? Engkaulah yang membuatku tegar sekarang. Izinkanlah aku bernyanyi dengan suaraku yang pas2an. Aku ingin berterimakasih karena meskipun aku sendiri, aku masih punya diri-Mu. Jadinya aku tidak merasa tolol membuat janji2 kepada diri sendiri sebab aku bisa membuat janji2 dengan-Mu seperti Kamu sudah berjanji soal hal2 yang indah yang akan Engkau berikan kepadaku. Jadi, aku sekarang mau melantunkan lagu untuk sahabatku. :)

GOD OF WONDERS

Lord of Heaven and Earth

Lord of all creation

Lord of Heaven and Earth

Lord of all creation Of water, earth and sky

The Heavens are Your tabernacle

Glory to the Lord on high

God of wonders beyond our galaxy

You are holy, holy

The universe declares Your Majesty

You are holy, holy
Lord of Heaven and Earth

Lord of Heaven and Earth

Early in the morning I will celebrate the light

When I stumble in the darkness

I will call your name by night

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your Majesty
You are holy, holy Lord of Heaven and Earth
Lord of Heaven and Earth

Hallelujah, to the Lord of Heaven and Earth

God of wonders, beyond our galaxy

You are holy, holy

Precious Lord, reveal Your heart to me

Father, hold me, hold me
The universe declares your Majesty

You are holy, holy, holy, holy

Hallelujah, to the Lord of Heaven and Earth
Hallelujah, to the Lord of Heaven and Earth
Hallelujah, to the Lord of Heaven and Earth

Detox Rhymes With Botox

2004-08-03T22:39:00.000+10:00

Natalia: "Not much improvement from the last time I saw you. How come?" (referring to my pimples)
Andrew: "Well, this thing is not an easy process, it takes time."
Natalia: "I thought we can see the results from botox straight away."
Andrew: "It's detox, D-E-T-O-X, not botox!"
Natalia: "Sounds the same to me."

WHAT THE...?!?!

Hair and old memories

2004-08-02T23:19:00.000+10:00

Hemmm... my bestfriend's new hairstyle is striking. It's black and red in colour with a simple shaggy cut. Walao!!! Well, I admit my defeat for now! But just wait when I get back to Indo. I'll lengthen my hair, rebond it and colour it with three shades of colours: dark brown, brown, blonde. Bwahahahaha!!! Let the contest begin, Robby.

Robby, my bestfriend, is the guy in yellow with extremely loud black-red hair

Why am I being so vain, you may ask? Well, us two have been competing with each other since high school in practically everything. But most prominently, the looks. Hehehe sounds stupid, right? Well ya! I dunno why we did that, but it seemed fun then. Now that I think of it, it's practically retarded. But no fear, the competition and rivalry will continue on when we meet again (after two years) in Solo city in February.

Detox Day 2

2004-07-31T21:37:00.000+10:00

Wuah, today I woke up with so much energy in me. I was even determined to clean up the house. Haha… it was fun. Never had this much fun in cleaning the house. And the result:...

Kitchen is clean! :)

Living room is also clean!

My room is not fantastically neat yet, but at least it is now more liveable.

My current condition in detox day 2: hungry, feel like getting angry, wanna sleep. Maybe, the reason why I had been doing all the cleaning is to make me forget that I am actually very hungry. Well, it worked well.

What I have eaten today:
Breakfast : one big glass of carrot juice. (yumm)
Mid morning : a cup of ginseng and lime tea.(tastes like crap!)
Lunch: a small serving of vegetable soup. (still hungry)
Tea time: a big glass of nectar juice. (sweeet even though the container says that no sugar was added)
Dinner: stir fry cauliflower and buk choy. (OK lorr)

I really hope this will work.

Detox Day 1 Revisited

2004-07-30T23:56:00.000+10:00

Yes, day 1 of detox is a success. I modified the menu though. Hehehe. Well, I do feel a bit like a herbivore. Being a vegan would certainly be a very tough job for me. But I am happy that I have passed this first day of detox successfully. Hope the hard work won't be of waste.

So happy that Shanna, Sofia, Ling Shan, Andri and I are all in the same prack group. Huaaaaaah!!! How coincidental. Our demonstrator, Jarrod, is actually quite good. But I just don't like how he does the calculations and derivations. Apparently, everyone else thinks the opposite. Maybe it's just my hunger playing tricks on me. :P

Haha, CG was good today. We have a new member (if she comes again that is) from Indo. Her name is Rugini. She was my junior in Trinity and in biomed. She's quite cute and very soft spoken. She reminds me of my old friend Vera who was my object or my evil pranks. Somehow, most of the things happening in my life lately remind me of Indo. Odd…

After CG dinner, I walked home with Sofia from Mark's Place. It was quite a distance and the weather was so cooooold. After a few blocks of walking, it felt quite warm. It was refreshing. We visited Fanne along the way. Fantastic day... thank you, Lord.

detox diet day 1

2004-07-17T22:38:00.000+10:00

As some of you have noticed, I am now 4 kg heavier (thanks to my mum) and I am fit enough to be the star of Supersize Me 2. So, I decided that I would go on a detox diet. For my birthday, Sofia Lumpia-Shanna Na Na-Fanne Pank Pong-Ling Shan Chiru gave me this book called The Energy Detox . I am now using a guinea pig to prove whether the methods stated there are effective or not. By the way, the guinea pig is ME.

My program for today is to survive on:
1. Breakfast: hot water and a thick slice of unwaxed lemon
2. Brunch: carrot, celery, grapefruit, mandarin and pineaple juice (it tastes good, surprisingly)
3. Lunch: hot water and a thick slice of unwaxed lemon and a handful of roasted unsalted peanuts (which I skipped as I was working)
4. Tea time: reminds me of Margaret... (quit daydreaming!!!)... I wish I could have English tea as usual. Well, luckily I love Japanese tea. Apparently it can dissolve fat. Wow, looking forward for this.
5. Dinner: hot water and a thick slice of unwaxed lemon and a plate of sliced tofu and a hint of oyster sauce. Yum! (and I'm not being sarcastic)
6. Supper: camomile tea... I think I'm gonna skip it.

Why do I have to fast? For the answer, tune in tomorrow. Bwahahahaahaha (just say that you dunno the answer, dude!)

I feel...

2004-07-16T22:13:00.000+10:00

I saw my mum leaving just now. I can say right now that I am emotion-less. I don't feel anything. Not sad,... just empty. Nothing makes me happy lately... If I ever said that the past few days spending my time with my mum has been the best few days of my life, I take it back. It was good. It felt nice. But why can't I picture all those moments again? Nothing is inside my head. All the feelings have been erased somehow. I don't know. I feel like doing nothing. I have no plans. Just go with the flow. One may say that I am so ungrateful. Yes, I am. Someone ought to give me a slap in the head and a kick in the butt. Am I not making sense? Well, that's how I meant it to be coz I don't understand myself anyway.

What is inside my head? I just wanna be home in Indo. I wanna meet my dear friends: Adri, Agus, Didit, Robby, Lina, Pepet, Devina, Lili, Bebe... I'm imagining all of us gathering in Tawangmangu (a small town on top of a mountain near my town on which rich people build their villas as a holiday getaway). We usually talk and talk and talk and talk all day there. Basically doing nothing. But we had so much fun in doing nothing. Looking at this picture Robby sent to me, I feel left out. Why wasn't I inside the picture?

Remembering my 19th birthday party with my closest friends in Indo. I really wanted only the close close close friends to attend.. but most of them were still in the middle of the exams (the curicullum in Indo is different to that in Oz). So, I invited some of the semi-close friends I've known who are already in town. I smiled coz the important people like Didit, Benny, Simon and Lisa were there. But a part of me was thinking about Lina, Pepet, Adri and Agus.

What makes me feel even more stupid is that instead of running to the Bible for consolidation, I run to my comics. My One Piece comics to be exact. I feel a strong connection with each of the characters in the story. Huh? Am I being childish again? I dunno...

Am I not making sense? Well, I dun exactly get what I'm saying anyway. Here's a proper picture of me and my close friends a month before I left for Melbourne. I can't remember the occassion. Was it a farewell party as we were all splitting up? I guess at that point I was thinking that the power of e-mail and mirc (i was clueless on messenger) would save the day. NOT!!! :(

How my mum surprises me

2004-07-13T17:31:00.000+10:00

O gosh, my mum surprises me a lot. Here are just some few things she surprises me:

1. Not bringing any coats or jackets here as she is positive that she could borrow mine. Duh! She looks 'swallowed' by my jackets.

2. Tells me she wants tom yum soup all day long but bought bread top instead after seeing someone eating the breadtop porkfloss along our way to Ying Thai Lygon.

3. Says that I am so skinny and stuffs me up with plenty of cakes, sweets and food.

4. Goes to Ikea, looks at the small stuffs like the square candles, table cloths, bedspreads, curtains, etc and she says, "I know how to make these! I'll make it when I get home." Clearly, I do not inherit that part of the genome. Sighs...

5. I tell her one information, i.e. "Eh, you know, A broke up with his girlfriend coz he found out that the girlfriend cheated." and my mum replies, "Yeah, I know. You know, the guy the girl is cheating with is from Bandung. He works in bla bla bla. Apparently he has bla bla bla. You know, we've met him in bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla." ... How does she know all these stuff in detail?!!?!?!

Anyway, been cool to have my mum around and taste her cooking and her smell around the house. Just dunno how I'll feel when she goes back home on the 17th. Hehe,...

Rewriting an ending that fits

2004-07-07T21:38:00.000+10:00

Argh... I haven't been blogging on purpose. There are four major reasons why this is so:

1. I wanted to get hold of my pictures during my trip in Lakes Entrance. Apparently, I haven't received them until present. I didn't use my camera, by the way. My friend, Skinny, brought his, so I didn't see the use of bringin mine. Anyway, Skinny is a very talented 'photographer'. He captures moments in an eccentric way. Wait til I upload them then you'll understand what I mean.

2. My mum is coming, so I have to polish my apartment. Oh gosh, everything have to look bright and shiny, or else...

3.My darn PS2. I hate you but I love you too much. I got this game called Disgaea: The Hour Of Darkness. Wa lau eh, this game literally has the power to make my butt stick to the sofa. Gosh, this game is one of the best I've ever played.

4. Coz I'm lazy... Hehe

PS 2

2004-07-03T19:08:00.000+10:00

Er, quite dizzy right now. Feel kinda crappy... seems the world is revolving so quickly. But anyway, got a big surprise today: the guys from Warnet and Komiku bought me a PS 2 for my birthday present. I was like, "What the...? Wow, best present ever!"

It all started 2 weeks ago when Cia-Cia, the Komiku shopkeeper, asked me what I wanted for my birthday present. I really dunno what to ask for, so I just said "PS 2" out from the blue. I was just kidding, and not knowing that she would take it seriously. Damn, should've said that I wanted a ferrari. Hahahaha!!! Just kidding. Thanx guys, u're just too kind.

They wanted to play a prank on me though. They filled the PS2 box with loads of heavy paper. When I opened it, I was a bit shocked but then I laughed... Good prank, guys. Almost caught me.

I'm waiting for Puspa now. A bit late... Ah, here she comes. Gotta go. Wanna watch Spiderman. Taaagh

Fishing in the middle of the ocean hoping for a fish

2004-07-02T19:59:00.000+10:00

Just arrived from Lakes Entrance. Not gonna say much about it for now. I'm pretty exhausted and quite lazy to upload the pictures. I guess I'll post the whole story on Sunday.

I must admit that I am not in a very good shape right now. I don't have enough money to do anything, really. Going to Lakes Entrance was a means to getting rid of my troubles and lying to myself that everything will be okay. I guess, I was only delaying the real problem to arrive instead of stopping it.

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

On my way to Lakes Entrance, was constantly listening to that song, Someday by Nickelback on Alice's i-Pod. Dunno why, I felt that the song was calling my name to be listened to. I practically can sing the whole song on top of my head right now.

Stick around for pictures of Lakes Entrance...

Come Undone

2004-06-28T21:50:00.000+10:00

Mine immaculate dream made breath and skin I've been waiting for you
Signed with a home tattoo happy birthday to you was created for ya
Can't ever keep from falling apart at the seams
Can't I belive you're taking my heart to pieces
Oh, it'll take a little time might take a little crime to come undone now
We'll try to stay blind to the hope and fear outside
Hey child stay wilder than the wind and blow me in to cry

Who do you need who do you love when you come undone
Who do you need who do you love when you come undone

Words playing me deja-vu like a radio tune I swear I've heard before
Chills is it something real or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers
Can't ever keep from falling apart at the seams
Can't I believe you're taking my heart to pieces
Lost in a snow filled sky we'll make it alright to come undone now
We'll try to stay blind to the hope and fear outside
Hey child stay wilder than the wind and blow me in to cry

Who do you need who do you love when you come undone
Who do you need who do you love when you come undone
Who do you need who do you love when you come undone
(Can't ever keep from falling apart) Who do you need who do you love
When you come undone (can't ever keep from falling apart)
Who do you need who do you love (can't ever keep from falling apart)
Who do you love when you come undone (can't ever keep from falling apart)

Come Undone Duran Duran

A mirror

2004-06-27T20:23:00.000+10:00

Dear blog, Who am I now? One year has gone by so quickly. I thought that I have made progress. But it turns out that the progress is only in one area. I have left the rest behind. If they were stagnant, I would still be alright. The fact is that they are all going back to point zero.

Who am I now? I had to eat my words more than three times in this month. Sometimes I try to blame other people or the situation. It helps for a while, but somehow it doesn't solve the problem... because it is me to blame.

Who am I now? What happenned to my youthful days in highschool? Everything was so good. No one ever told me that being an adult would be so hard.

Natalia: "Andrew, do you wanna go to the movies with us?"
Andrew: "Urgh, sorry, cannot. Have to do something."

Natalia: "Andrew wanna have lunch with us?" Andrew: "Oh gosh, I have to work."

Natalia: "Andrew, we're gonna go to Chadstone. Wanna come with?"
Andrew: "Nah, got an appointment. Sorry."
Natalia: "Okay then, send my regards to your biomed friends." (sarcastically)

Who am I? I was used to be alone when I was young. But being alone again after all that I have encountered along this road called life has made me weak. I am losing everything. I am not the person I was. So, who am I?

George Stobbart

2004-06-09T23:08:00.000+10:00

Allo, j'mapelle George Stobbart. I'm here to solve the mystery of the Knights Templar. My girlfriend's name is Nicole Collard. She's a French babe. I love French toasts as well...

Now I'm just being lame here. Let me repeat L-A-M-E! L A M E u ain't got no alliby u're lame, hey hey u're so lame!

Anyway, I have my reasons to be lame. Today I went to have lunch with my dear friend, Bebe. It has been such a long time since the last time we've met. After lunch, we went to Myers not knowing that there was a big discount going on. So, I went straight to the games department and saw this Broken Sword 3 game. The original price is $74.50,... but after the discount it's only $37. As I have played and loved the two prequels, I decided to buy the game. Hahahaa!!! It is worth every cent. Haha, really cool game. Started playing at 4 and here I am now, almost 12 hours later, still playing the game. Luv it! By the way, the main character's name is George Stobbart. Now the lame introduction makes sense, right? Hehe!

scientist

2004-06-08T23:31:00.000+10:00

Currently listening to 'The Scientist' by Coldplay. Been feeling kinda crappy coz of Genetics exam. I answered all the questions, but I am sure that I have made mistakes here and there. The paper was tricky and too little time to make a deep analysis for each question. Just give everything to God. I think I'm just too paranoid. I just hope that when the results come out I won't be too shocked if they aren't as good as I expected.

As I am listening to the song, I just can't help thinking of these few verses:

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

Somehow, it reminds me of the time when I was still studying in baillieu and when I was sitting in the exam venue doing my genetics test.

Why am I still thinking about genetics? The past is the past... nothing I can do to change it.

Miko why do u piss so much

2004-06-04T23:43:00.000+10:00

It was raining in the morning... Such a miserable start of the day. Woke up to find that Miko had bombarded my house with an extra 4 piss spots and a couple of shitty nooks. Grrrrr....!!! Was too angry to slap Miko. Instead I scolded Sofia. Argh, so sorry Sofia. I didn't mean to. I'm just too stressed.

Went to the library and studied genetics. It was quite productive. I've finished the whole book. But somehow, I still feel unsecure. I still dunno a lot of things. I hope that tomorrow I can finish work earlier and can study a lot. Studied with Lou, btw. My personal opinion abt Lou: she's actually verycapable but she's just too damn lazy; lazy to go to or even listen to lectures. Change ur habit next semester yarh!

When I got home, I saw Miko wandering around the living room. My first reflect was to search for the 'points of pee and poo'. I didn't find any except for that inside the bathroom. So happy!!! Well, there's always room for improvement, Miko. And thanx Sofia and Vee Chan for the housebreaking kit. Hope I can make full use of it... Pray to God that Miko can be toilet-trained ASAP.

Talked to my cousin, Timin... it's odd coz I dunno how he looks like and all as the last time I met him was 12 years ago when he was 9 and I was 2. Okay, I was 8 then!! Anyway, I seem to get along really well with him. Hemm, new bestfriend?!?!

miko... love and hate

2004-06-03T11:44:00.000+10:00

Gyahahahahaahahaha!!! I am studying right now. Okay, that was a bad lie. I'm actually bored and decided to blog. Okay, so what should I talk about? Well, first of all, been pretty sad abt Miko. She has been very naughty peeing and pooing on my living room instead of the bathroom. Well, I have put plenty of newspaper to cover the living room now. Have been so mean towards Miko. So, I decided not to go to library today and instead be a good dad and fill her with love.

Anyway, I'm officially together with Su now. Hahahaaha!!! Sorry, Andri. But Su's mine now. Her new car and me are (or will be) inseparable. I can imagine the cute kids and big house we'll have. The future is soooo bright for us. Anyway, I would like to say sorry to Sofia as our (Su and I) kids will not be sent to a Philipino University. Perhaps you can try finding someone else in the future. Sorry that I have shattered all your dreams. To Andri, just don't cry and take it like a man!

Hemm, insane... I have gone insane! Where's the nearest mental assylum?!?!?!

Miko is so shitty

2004-05-31T23:41:00.000+10:00

Sofia scolded me for the last post coz I said that Miko is a HE not a SHE. Okay, so sorry lah. Huehehehee!!! Talking abt Miko, she has been very naughty. She has been pooing and peeing on my carpet even though I have placed many newspapers on the bathroom floor. Well, I guess, it's not entirely her fault la. She has been transfered to 4 different places in the past fortnight. She might be all confused. I just have to try to be patient. Gimme the patience, God.

Went to Ikea with Sofia and Fanne today. Haha, the stuff there are soooo good. I always enjoy going to Ikea. I love Ikea. Ikea is my passion. I am going to own Ikea one day. Bwahahahaha!!! (-i'm officially insane-). Anyway, to achieve my goal in 'Ikea domination', I bought a $3.95 white trashbin. Hey, it's a good start!!!

Sofia, Fanne and I all ate together at Fanne's humble house... on her new black and chic Ikea table. Watched 'What Women Wants' for the God knows how many times. It was still entertaining though. Was suppossed to study after that, but was too tired. Ate toooo much tangerine. Argh....... Andrew is such a loser. Anyway, gotta go and sleep. Tatagh!

Japanese Name

2004-05-31T19:48:00.000+10:00

Thought that this would be fun... I'm very bo liau. Hahaha!!!

My Japanese name is Tadamichi Ikina.
Take The Kawaii Japanese Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Quite happy that Miko can now pee and poo in the toilet.

Miko and the Drew

2004-05-30T10:36:00.000+10:00

Hi hi hi...

Haven't blogged for quite sometimes. Here's some few highlights for what has happenned in my life reecently.

1. God has blessed me so much these past weeks. He has again proved to me that He is my God and that He is my refuge and He is the rock on which I stand... (don't let me finish the song). Sometimes, I do feel angry to God. But I know that His plans are for the better. ^_^

2. My genetics marks have been so crappy... but I just realised something. My marks do not determine whether I like the subject or not. I looove genetics. I understand all the concepts, if the markers are too fussy,... well, that's their problem. I'll just do what I can do. Have fun and study well. ^_^

3. Had the best sticky date pudding ever. Linsey's sticky date pudding is to die for. Love the pudding love the pudding love the pudding.

4. Finished first semester lectures and pracks. Gosh... now I only need to study.

5. Watched Harry Potter 2 with Sofia and Andri on Foxtel. Crap, now I really really really want to go and watch Harry Potter 3.

6. Watched American Idol... Fantasia won. I thought that they all had talent. But somehow, I can't connect to any of them unlike Australian Idol where I felt a strong connection with Paulini. Hahaha!!! Me just being stupid lah!

7. Sofia and I made a pact that we would speak English properly from now on. Well, I'll have to change my accent again. Let's see: I think I'll speak with a Transylvanian accent now. Hey, vampires also speak proper English okay!

8. Been blessed to have Miko at my place. In a sense, Miko has taught me how to be patience. Well, pees on my sofa, vomits on my bed plus shit on my rug. O gosh, I just have to be patient and re-toilet-train him. Bwahahaha!!!

Okay, that's all, folks
I'm gonna be known as NERD DREW from tomorrow onwards... until the end of the exam period that is.

Vivien's B'day

2004-05-17T23:29:00.000+10:00

Wuah... back in the lecture theatre again after skipping... let's see... one and a half weeks worth of lectures. Been a lazy bum. But don't worry, I promise I'll be a nerd starting from today!

Wuah, preparing for Hot Spot presentation tomorrow. Hope my report and presentation go well.

Vivien's birthday is tomorrow! Yay! But we're celebrating it today! Yay! Anyway, cut the story short, we celebrated her early birthday in L'incontro. We ate tiramisu. Nyamm... I didn eat though, too full from dinner. :P

Happy birthday, Vivien... may God bless u as God has blessed me by giving me a friend like you. Amen!

Sunday... rushed to the kitchen

2004-05-16T23:13:00.000+10:00

I woke up at 10 this morning... literally ran to the kitchen and ate 2 rolls of bread. And it felt sooooooo good. This 40 hours famine taught me how to control ourselves and be patient. I am so glad that it is over. But I am even more glad that I managed to end it without getting sick. Thank the Lord for that.

I went to church afterwards... couldn't concentrate. Dunno why. Too much on my head... feels that all the energy that I had was sucked. :( Made me feel a bit sad.

Went back home and watched American Idol. La Toya London, my favorite singer in American Idol, got voted off. Gosh, they (the Americans) have got to be nuts. Well, in a sense I knew why she got voted off. I knew that she wouldn't win the competition coz she is good, but her voice is similar to Whitney Houston's or Diana Ross' voices. On the other hand, Fantasia Barino is different. Her game is being unique. And that is what talent shows are about: to find someone different (and good).

I am talking to Bebe right now. We're basically gossipping about a person we know. Can't really tell you guys what's wrong about this person, but we have been talking about this person for hours and hours. It has been an hour worth of calling and we still haven't changed the topic. Haha...

Saturday

2004-05-15T23:01:00.000+10:00

If u do not know... my 40 Hours Famine has started yesterday. I'm fasting for the children of Africa and during that period of time, I would reflect more about what's going on in life and realise what things do we take for granted. The 40 hours Famine ends on Sunday 10 a.m. Hope that I can successfully go through it.

Sofia, Eli and I plus Fanne, Ling Shan, Sylvia and Vincent went to Crown that night for a movie marathon. Let's see: van Helsing and Troy. I'd give Van Helsing an 8/10. It was a bit crappy at some parts and Kate Beckinsale was a bit stiff there. But overall, I enjoyed it. Troy, on the other hand, was not as good as I expected. The acting was crap and the plot was a bit too slow. One of the main character, Hector, however, left a deep impression inside me. A man of piety, honor and courage. Eric Bana really brought this character into life. Full respect, man!

After the movie marathon, Sofia and I accompanied Eli and Fanne to eat. When Eli and Fanne asked each other, "What should we eat?", Sofia and I asked each other, "What should we drink?" Hahaha.... lame. I'm just getting lamer and lamer by the day.

Indopendent

2004-05-14T23:29:00.000+10:00

Dissecting frogs... Wasn't a good site, I should say. Lucky I eat frogs, so I don't feel so sad for them. They look so ugly, especially their slimy body. Eurgh. They also stink! If that was a dog I was dissecting, I would faint. Hehe... It was a good experience though. Even though the frog was dead, the heart kept beating and when we touch certain nerves, the leg would move uncontrolably. Just to share some of the experience inside the lab:

1. Two people fainted while watching the dissection video.
2. While skinning the frog, the frog slime spluttered and erm... splashed on Fanne's face.
3. My partner, Yen Ching caught a fright when she saw the naked leg of the frog moving when she unintentionally touched its nerves.

After that I went to watch Indopendent: three Indonesian independent movies. It was quite good. I really enjoyed it. Especially because in one of the movies, the star was my close friend, Karina. Here's a synopsis of the movies:
1. Dua, which means Two in English, tells the story of a guy proposing to a girl. The girl said that she needed time to think about it. The guy's bestfriend said that he must prepare for the worst. So he imagined of all the worst case scenarios: the girl rejects him, the girl does not want to meet him anymore, the girl is a lesbian, the girl is actually a man, etc etc etc. At the end, the girl rejects him because she is actually taken by the guy's bestfriend. Duh!
2. 880 Miles tells the story of a love triangle between a girl from Melbourne, her ex-boyfriend in Melbourne and a man whom she loved at first site in Sydney. I thought it was crappy... except that it had a sex scene which (even though it was pathetic) is a breakthrough in Indonesian culture which thinks that talking about sex in public is a major taboo.
3. Sendiri is a horror story. Very Jap-influenced and quite scary. It was a thumbs up for an Indonesian movie. It had the story, it had the depth and it had the spirit. Good job!

Anyway, better go to sleep now. Feel very exhausted.

Hectic Week

2004-05-13T23:11:00.000+10:00

Andrew is currently listening to Cu Kuang by Richie Ren. I have always loved this song. Reminds me a lot of my cousin in Indo. It's his favourite song. Hahaha... sentimental. Anyway, I feel so fed up with school life. I am particularly hurt by the way genetics the prac is ran. I hate the fact that I always get a strict marker. Why do I say that? Because all those people who copied my work gets a A+, while I end up with a BLOODY B or C. What the...?!?!?! Thanks so much for my hardwork of thinking and browsing textbooks for 3-5 hours every night before prack. Is this fair?!? I don't think so. Getting a B and C mark at first was tolerable to me. I thought that it was a sign for me to do better. Hence, I've been reading the textbooks before doing my assignment... and guess what, the marks do not change... they even get worse sometimes. Is this fair?!?!?!?! Hell, no! I think, I'm starting to hate genetics because of this. I hate this subjectivity in marking. I hate it when if I put 100% effort in my stuff and they get marked poorly while all those copying mine get higher marks than I do!

God,... I would be lying if I say that I'm fine and that everything is alright. What do You want from me?!? I cannot take this anymore. I don't want to be like this, Lord.

Who am I?

2004-05-06T23:12:00.000+10:00

I feel so weird... who am I? I don't recognise myself anymore. Evelyn said to me, "Andrew, u've changed." I'm not sure whether she meant it in a good or a bad way, though. The thing is, I personally agree with her. This last 2 weeks, I've made decisions and done so many things that the 'old me' could or would not even think about.

Today, genetic test was hard. I think I did quite okay. I asked Him to give me a clear head so I could think straight. And He did. I calmly answered all the questions. I'm not sure whether I got all the answers correctly. But I am happy with what I've achieved. I've done my best and there is nothing more to it. I just hope when the result comes out, I won't get too sad if I get a low mark. ^_^

even more stressed

2004-05-05T23:18:00.000+10:00

I'm even more stressed studying genetics... and tomorrow is the test! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Been studying from 2 in Bailieu. At 9 I decided (or my brain did) that I cannot tahan already. So I took a tram to Germaine's place to take Shanna's notes... which ended up with me staying there and have dinner. I didn't realise how hungry I was until I smelt Linsey's pineapple rice. It was soooooooooo good. Huix huix huix... Couldn't stay too long and missed the dessert just so I could study more at home.

Lesson of the day: Linsey is a good housewife-to-be... erm, I mean I should start studying again!

Studying like siau

2004-05-04T21:50:00.000+10:00

I'm currently stressed studying for genetics... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Hotspot

2004-05-03T19:08:00.000+10:00

Currently trying to study genetics and do research for something called Hotspot for Mario. I feel like half dead already. So tired. Dunno what's wrong with me... but been constantly un-energized! Anyway, Chia2, the girl from Komiku, lend me the latest edition of Houshin Engi for free. Waaaaa!!!! So happy!

Waoooo! Sofia and Jon came back from LTC camp. Felt that Sofia has learned a lot and became a bit more mature. I'm really thinking of helping her in the 40 hours famine program. Anyway, 40 hours famine is a program where a person either doesn't eat or doesn't use electronic stuff for 40 hours. It starts at 8 o'clock of the 14th of May and ends on Sunday the 16th at 12 pm. Sounds tough. But if it's for a good cause I don't mind. If anyone wanna join, contact me or Sofia lah. We wanna do this together and support each other.

Ellen's Birthday

2004-05-02T01:27:00.000+10:00

It was 12 a.m. Daniel and I were faithfully waiting in Evelyn's house (with Evelyn of course) for Albert, Ali, Pita and Icha to come. What's the occassion? It's Ellen's birthday. She's now 20. How exciting! We're up for another surprise party. Hehe

Ellen's surprise party... Fun!

Daniel drove me home. I was super tired! It was 3.30 a.m. I seriously didn't know where I can get the energy to wake up for the next morning's 11 o'clock service. I feel so restless! I'm a sleepaholic!!!

Miraculously, I managed to wake up at 9.30. Wohooo! I was so proud of myself until at 10.50, Vivien called me and said that the sermon was at 10. Gulp! I gave Vivien the wrong information. Coz it was too late for sermon, we decided to come back at 6 for the next service. No regrets, though! The last service was as good as ever. Few people and I really loved the worship session. I can really feel God's presence. So what if I'm super tired? So what if I have assignment to do? So what if I have a test on Thursday? Why am I stressed, if I have Him by my side? Thank you, Lord for everything.

2004-05-01T01:06:00.000+10:00

Felt a bit sick this morning... Usual stomach crams. Didn't go to work in the end. Poor Mario, hav to work alone without my companionship. (Why am I saying this?)

I literally wasted my day trying to workout how my new 3 phone works. I'm no technician, but at least I can work my way through the manual. I've downloaded some kewl pictures for my phone's wallpaper and put in 3 of my fave songs. Happeee.

For the first time in my life, I saw icicles dropping from the sky. It was a frost rain. Never on my mind was I to expect snow in Melbourne. But, I thought it was cool. I stared out the window watching ice by ice falling from the sky and called Evelyn at the same time. I miss Evelyn a lot. When I first came, she was the one I was closest to. Well, that was almost 2 years ago. Time has changed. My group's group dynamic has also changed.

Sleepy... feel like sleeping and wasting another day. Well, not my fault. The weather is just perfect for a snooze...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

David, me and Evelyn on Fast Track Camp 12 of July 2002

The day I lost my 3 Phone

2004-04-30T23:41:00.000+10:00

Today I:

1. Didn't get enough sleep.
Did some research on Warnet's Hotspot and my IBS essay the day before.
2. Lost my 3 pack phone.
Clumsily left it in the Biomed Library. This morning I went to school super early to search for the packet. It's gone, lost,... forever.
3. Did not understand a thing about the IBS prelab report.
Too much on my mind.

But today I also:

1. Had great time with my friends.
Indeed, being around friends is the best way to boost up your spirit. Just chatting with my Indo friends, my biomed friends and my OCF friends makes me feel energized.
2. Received help by many people regarding the lost of my mobile kit.
Puspa helped me aske for a new adaptor and handsfree for free from the 3 shop. Lou lent me her 3 phone USB cable and CD rom. Vivien gave me her thick 3 battery. It may seem like small things to you guys, but trust me... I feel so thankful having friends like you guys.
3. Managed to understand the IBS prack and even had a lot of fun during the prack!
4. Understood more of what God wants from me...
Been really blessed on the way God has been to me. It is just ashame that I just realised it recently... The things we take for granted.
5. Had a relaxing sleep during the weekend.

I guess, in the end, if we think about it in a positive way... being alive for one more day is already a lucky day.

Organized

2004-04-28T22:41:00.000+10:00

Soooo happy. Today I managed to:

1. Finish my genetics prac report.
I don't want to end up in the same position all the time... Always do my assignment in the last minute. Yesterday, I started my IBS prack report at 12 pm. I finished at 5.05 pm. Noooo!!! It was due yesterday at 5 pm. I was soooo panicked, I ran like siao towards the biochem building at 4.50 to finish my report there. I was determined that even if I were to be locked inside the building, it would still be alright. As long as I'm inside the building, I can pass up any time I want coz the demonstrator picks the reports the day after anyway. At the time, I promised God that if I managed to finish the report 'safely', I promise that I would be more organized.... and now here I am trying to reorganize myself.

2. Clean up my room
My room was a warzone until 5 minutes ago. My one month worth of junk is now gooooone!!! Thanx to jolly good old me. Hehe...

3. Sleep at 11
Well, this is not exactly a success as I was planning to sleep at 10 everyday from now. But it's cool, seeing that I usually sleep at 1. Horray! Hope 2moro will be a great day - can wake up early, listen to lecture, chill out, study, do my prack well... hahaha!!! Boring stuff huh?

Good luck for Shanna, Fanne, Ling Shan and those who are taking genetics for the test tomorrow! ^_^ God bless ya!

It's all about Andri

2004-04-26T21:48:00.000+10:00

I am still shocked and disgusted on the upil and flirtings that Andri has performed. Oh gosh... if I am disgusted, Su and Sof must be veeeeeeeeeeeeeery disgusted. Disgusting lah, Andri! But it was a good laugh. For once, the joke wasn't crispy. In fact it was slimy like the upil freshly digged out of the nose.

Looked at some brochures on touring Japan. Quite excited... Just need to save a loooooot of money before September. Hope that I can really go. Japan has always been my dream destination since I was a kid. I looooved anime and manga sooo much, my life simply evolved around it. Well, not anymore!!! Even though I still love Final Fantasy and still constantly read as much manga and scanlations as I could.

Decided today that I just try and apply for UROP. I have no idea whether I can make it or not. I just simply give everything to the Lord. :D I also wanna change my subjects for the second semester. I wanna take neuroscience and pharmacology. I suddenly thought that, "Gosh, why do I wanna do microbes?" I dunno lah... I am very fickle wan.

Constantly thinking about: Japan and research

pengangguran

2004-04-25T20:53:00.000+10:00

I woke up this morning and slacked a bit b4 I studied. Felt that everything I've done the past 2 days are just meaningless and felt that my relationship with God is weakened. Today in City Church, when Pastor Mike asked people to come up stage so that he can pray for them, I felt like going up front. But decided not to... I'm not sure why. I'm just scared... I dunno about what... but just scared.

Anyway, I am very bo liau. Went to read Germ's blog and decided to play with some of her new 'toys'. Here's the results:

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	Actor
You will be worth	$451,511
Everyone will think you	are really hot

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Who will you be stuck with at end of time? (pics are back yay!) by chi_a_baidh
Your name is
Your sex is
Your favorite color is
You are stuck there because	you can't die
For _____ years	51
With
He/She will think you are	strong
You will	slap them across the face

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

you treat me like shit

2004-04-24T23:20:00.000+10:00

Currently listening to: "It's all about Jesus" by Planet Shakers. Feeling a bit sad for what I've said... "You treat me like shit." I guess, this is what repentance is.

Top row: David, Puspa, Joy, me, Eve
Bottom row: Ellen (sitting), Ricky (the loyal chaplain's dog) and Kim

Stumbled upon this picture today and I said to myself, "How different we looked 2 years ago." How much have I changed? I look different now. I am not whom I used to be then. Did I become a better person or am I just as bad as I was?

Maya and Nancy came to Warnet today. Maya wanted to trade her phone with mine. Hahah! At first I was reluctant, but after looking at the phone's features, I had to agree. I thought that it was a slightly better phone than mine. Maya thought it was the other way around. Well, as long as everyone's happy. Went to A1 cafe with Su, Lou, Moo, Viv and Eve after work. Had a good dinner. Super full!

Dunno what to expect for tomorrow. Hoping for a good day for a spiritual boost. Also need concentration to study. Please God, help me. ^_^

Sofia, you are such a rough gal!

2004-04-23T23:56:00.000+10:00

Rained pretty hard today. Excuse for me to skip the 9 o'clock lecture. Not really sih! The rain woke me up a few times last night. I didn't have enough sleep. So, at 7.30 when my alarm went off, I simply called Sofia that I'm not going to school and slept again until 10.

Prac was kinda good today. Finished quite early... I can't say that it was easy, but I should say that I really enjoyed it... even though I managed to screw up part B. Hahaha!!! But I managed to fix the problem. Hopefully, the results are good enough.

Went to Classic Curry with Lou and Viv. Been getting to know Lou and Viv lately. Feel very blessed to have known them better. Lou and I made a pact that starting next week, we'll study genetics together. Support each other, okay?

OCF today was good. Theme is also about missionaries. There were 3 places they were stressing of going: the Persian world, China and Thailand. Today's sermon opened my eyes... now I know that I am not ready for the missionary. Ross Patterson's words really slapped me in the face... I wish I could be 'the woman who poured the expensive oil over her head for Jesus'... but in real life, I am only 'Peter'. I don't wanna be Peter forever.

The Producers

2004-04-22T23:36:00.000+10:00

Fantastic day... Okay lorr! Got a C for my genetics prack. Hemm, I'll use this as a whip to smack my butt so I can move forward. I'll study hard! I'll revise everytime I get back home!... yadda yadda yadda. All plans but no proof. It's time to really really really change, Andrew.

Went to watch the Producers with some OCFers, Sof and Cindy. It was such a kewl show. Very witty and funny. The play was divided into 2 acts. I liked the first act a loooot. The second act was also good,... but it became a bit boring after awhile coz the jokes were getting a bit too 'crispy'. Nevertheless, the singing and dancing were top notch from beginning to end. I love Mel Brooks (the producer of The Producers). He's just fantastic. It is an enjoyable musical comedy. Should watch it guys, u wouldn't regret it.

To Sofia, Su, Lou, Viv, Andri, Ling Shan, Cindy who are having their microbiology test tomorroe. Break a leg, guys. My prayer is with you!

OCF grand gathering is tomorrow! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Can't wait to see all t hose people from camp. :P

Why is the choice so hard

2004-04-20T23:28:00.000+10:00

My first cross to carry. It is not light, but I know I can make it.

We all have our own cross to bring. When one becomes a Christian, instantaneously one is burdened with a cross. I'm not complaining. I am more than happy to carry it... although my heart is torn apart by the burden the Lord has laid upon my shoulders. I know, though, that the Lord would not lay a burden heavier than that of what we can take. When God brings you to it, He will get you through it.

Let's see... Had lunch with Andri-Sof-Shanna in QV today. Wuaaah, the small chinese restaurant near Officework QV is damn good. The kangkung belacan is super nice. Well, I've had better. But since i haven't eaten kangkung for a loooong time, eating it gave me the nostalgic feeling.

I borrowed Fanne's vacuum cleaner 2/3 weeks ago. I was suppossed to give it back to her last week. Somehow there's always something that happens that makes me unable to return it to her. Like today... I left the vacuum cleaner at Mario's office coz I still had stuff to do in the city. When I came back at 7, Mario was away and the vacuum was (and still is) inside the 'gudang' (store room) which was locked. Just my luck. I bet Fanne is already feeling upset. SORRRRYYYY FANNE!!! I really really really really really mean it.

The fourth time

2004-04-18T13:46:00.000+10:00

This is the fourth time I have been reminded about mission trips.

I am still not sure... If this is what U want, make me believe 100%. I don't want to go in doubt. I want to go in full confidence that this is what U want. Yes, I am scared. Yes, I will have financial difficulties if I go. Yes, I will sacrifice a lot of things. But if this is what U want. I will do it...

Jazz Club, L'incontro and Clifton Hill

2004-04-17T13:50:00.000+10:00

Been busy cleaning up my room and doing my laundry from 11 am to 7 pm. Haha, at least my room is now clean and my clothes smell like lavender. I dunno, but I'm nuts about lavender. Just love the smell a lot.

Went for CG outing to Manchester Lane Jazz Club. Was good to meet friends there and talked about loads of things from spiritual to completely nonsense stuff. The atmosphere was nice, but the band wasn't jazzy enough for me. It lacked the fastplaying piano and the soothing saxophone. But overall, I enjoyed it.

We went to L'incontro afterwards. Sof-Lou-Viv had an enormous slice of chocolate ripple cake. Looked so damn good. Drooooool!!! Too bad I had a sore throat. Hehe. I was waiting in L'incontro for Daniel to go together to Clifton Hill for Ali's birthday. He was suppossed to meet me at 10.30 in L'incontro. I waited until 11.15 and he was still not there yet. Gosh! When I called him, he told me that he was already in Flinders station. I kena ditched. So, I made my way to Flinders at 11.15 in the middle of the rain. When I got there I was super wet. At least my hair wasn't wet... Hehehe, very vain la. When we got to Clifton Hill, Albert picked us up with his car. Coz there was seven of us, the car wouldn't fit. So Daniel and I had to sit on the bunk from the station to Ali's house. Gosh, I wouldn't do it again. Dangerous and if the cops find out, we'll be in deep trouble.

The surprise party went not so well... when we arrived, Ali heard us and opened the door for us. He already prepared a cutting knife and plates. Goodness me, he's good. But it was good fun being together. We played 'Need For Speed' until 3 am. I arrived home at around 3+. Went to sleep straight away... dun wanna miss Church in the morning. Something tells me that there is something that I'll want to hear in the sermon.

What a Day

2004-04-16T23:48:00.000+10:00

What a hectic day...

Woke up this morning with a very bad sore throat. Tya brought in this very loud friend who woke me up instantly. Was a bit pissed,... but told myself to be calm. One thing that I hate is being waken up from bed. I guess, sleeping is my hobby... it's a passion. It is the time where I am calm and in control. It's so rejuvenating. Okay, bottom line is I'm lazy.

Went to the city to meet Kim and Puspa in St. Paul's Cathedral. We were planning to have lunch together. So we did! We went to a small cafe in Flinders Lane and watched the busy Swanston Street from above. It was a fantastic view. At one point, Kim told us her experience when she went to Thailand as a missionary. Hemm, it's the third time in 2 weeks I've been reminded about Thailand.

After settling with Evelyn's present, Puspa's snazzy flowers and transport to go to Limor's I rushed to Sofia's place where Nana-Sof-Lor and John were busy making apple strudel. Wuaaah! Smells good. Too bad my sore throat put a stop this temptation. :P. Then we rushed to uni to meet the others in the sector group meeting. It was cool to see my CG group members, Lou, Viv, Andrew, Daryl and Wai2. It is Sophie's and Moon Lay's b'day today. Hemm... feel bad that I can't come and celebrate with u guys.

Lame joke of the day:
This is what happenned when the Biomed Andrew (me) met the other Andrew from medicine.
Andrew me : "Hi Andrew."
The other Andrew: "Hi Andrew."
(laugh please)

Dinner at Limor's was kewl. It's just so good to be able to catch up with friends. Had a great time together. Loved the jokes and our never-fading sense of togetherness. At the end of the dinner, I had to come around the table and ask each one to pay for the presents (which in total costs 350$). They all called me 'the accountant'. Gosh, just because the actuarial student is the birthday girl, I have to do her money counting duties. Hahaha! But it's all good. I don't mind doing it again coz I love them so much. Anyway, here's some of the pics taken there.

Thank God I have you!

Vivin...

2004-04-15T23:55:00.000+10:00

I am suppossed to be cleaning up my house today. I let Eve, Nat2, and Puspa down to accompany them shopping. Well, a plan is only a plan. Vivin called and asked me to accompany her for lunch. Waiiiit... who's Vivin? Here's a flashback!

Vivin is an ooold friend of mine from Indo. We've known each other since elementary school. We love to irritate each other everytime we meet. Hahaha!!! Anyway, she lives in Brisbane now. Yesterday, when I was waiting for Nat2 in Nike Melbourne, I saw Gratia (her sister). Out of curiosity, I called Vivin and asked her whether her sister is in Melbourne. She told me that they are both in Melbourne. Hahah! She is in Melbourne and never told me. That's not the point, though. She said she's looking for a school for her sis and a place coz they might be moving to Melbourne next year. Wuaaaaah! So happy. More close friends here.

After lunch, Vivin and I and a bunch of friends (all from Solo) went to Philip Island. So much for my 'cleaning up day'. Had loads of conversation along the way. Got to know her so much better. :P

I arrived back in Melbourne at 10.30 pm. They dropped me off at the Summit as I had a surprise party to attend. It's Puspa's birthday today and we pretended that we have forgotten about it. The surprise is that we would come when she has lost all hopes that we would come, i.e. 11.55 pm. Well, everything was good.

Friendship is a great thing and we take it for granted. I will cherish every moment being with my friends. ^_^

2004-04-14T01:20:00.000+10:00

I promise that this will be the shortest blog ever.

That's odd... even in the Maroon 5 Concert, all I can think of is U. I can't concentrate. All that is in my mind is U.

I adore you, Lord

2004-04-13T10:00:00.000+10:00

It may sound cliche, but today I prayed to the Lord to have a new start in my life. A life without hatred, full of faith and endurance. I guess, the biggest mistake I've done in my life was to let Kurnia go. Kurnia was a good friend of mine in Germany. She bugged me a lot in the second semester. I can't deny that my marks in the second semester drop badly was because of my laziness. But most of the time, I couldn't study just because of thinking of her and fighting with her. In November, I literally told her to piss off. When I said that, I felt so sad. But I just couldn't take it any longer. I was in a -1 sinusoidal wave state.

After I prayed to the Lord, the first thing I remembered was Kurnia. And in the middle of my prayer, my handphone rang. It was her. I guess, that was an instant answer for my prayer. I answered the phone and we started talking about a lot of stuff. I may have made another big mistake in my life. But I don't care... May it be and come what may.

Anyway, I went to help Frank Sanders with his thesis. He basically interviewed some of the ex-Trinity students on how well EAP has assisted them in uni. It was cool to see Frank again. Haha!!!

Met Natalia on the way to Warnet. So, I accompanied her for shopping for Puspa's and Evelyn's birthday. Gosh, Natalia and I are always the 'party commitee' of my Indo group. But I don't mind lor! It's always fun, anyway.

Just came back home from Warnet; hanging out with Sof, Shanna, Su and Mario. Waaaaaa!!! Andrew going out!

Easter Camp

2004-04-12T18:18:00.000+10:00

Well, I haven't updated my blog for a few days now. This is because I just came back from Easter Camp. Easter Camp was quite good... very good actually. I really felt that I've learned a lot and many of my doubts has been answered. There are 4 special new people who have left a deep impression in my heart. I'd love to tell the story on how the camp went... But I don't think that is too important. Don't get it wrong, the program, itinerary and food was good and all. But that is not the point of going to camp. My expectations was to meet new people, to answer my doubts in Christianity and to build up a new relationship with God.

The first person is Pastor Mark Botham. He presents his sermons in a very chronological and logical way. He explains hard materials in a very simplistic way. And many of his sayings have answered my doubts and touched me in so many ways. On the second day of camp, we had to go to seminar workshops. My greatest doubts and fear of Christianity is its doctrine, "Jesus is the only way for salvation." It feared me most because not everyone is a Christian. Not everyone has a chance of being a Christian. And not everyone knows that Christianity exists! What would happen to them? If Christianity is true, everyone else who are not Christian would go to hell. Hemmm... I'm not so sure. That night I put my 'chickenish' side and dared to ask Pastor Mark about this. He told me that I should not take the Bible at face value and long story short he said, "The God I know is a merciful God." That last sentence gave away everything. I have no other choice than to surrender to my Lord. The next day after praise and worship while many were in front of the stage asking to be prayed by the Pastors, there was this guy who stood there waiting to be prayed for. I had already finished praying by then and I was just sitting and looking around. And at that time, my eyes were in contact with Pastor Mark. He looked up to me and gestured, "Do you want to pray for him (the standing lonely person)?" And all of a sudden I just stood up and in no time I was praying for this guy whom I barely knew. After the prayer I felt good... and a bit stupid at the same time. Number one, I can't pray in English and number two, I am relatively new to Christ. How could Pastor Mark told me to stand up and anyhow pray for someone whom I did not know? But I did it and it felt good. In the end, I got to know the guy. His name is Jeremy and he's from OCF Kew. Hahaha... got new friend! Sofia, Hui Yi and Aaron and I played cards with him that night until late.

Our picture with Pastor Mark (second from left)
Pastor Mark's website

My cell group, JOB. God put me in this CG for a reason. Yes, He did!
Top row (left to right): Chen Hwa, Andrew, Wai Wai, Justin, John, David.
Bottom row (left to right): Mei Ying, Chen Yi, Charms, Vivien, Hui Yi.

My name tag!
It reads, "Job was a man of faith, patience and endurance."

Second person has got to be Charms. Oh gosh, Charms is such a great gal. The small things she does shows how big her heart is and shows how great God works through her. Very enthusiastic, energetic and caring... She motivates us all in CG discussions and the Treasure Hunt. Hohohoho! She even represented my CG in the water wrestling competition. Wow! She taught me so many things through her sharings and deep spiritual conversations with me. Luv ya loads, Charms. Hope we meet again soon!

Left to right: Vivien, Charms and me.

Third person: Christopher Ong aka Wai Wai. Wuuuaaah! Our very own drama queen. Hahahaha!!! But I mean it in a good way. He is sooo kewl, funny but mature at the same time. He made sure that everyone in the CG had a piece of the action and helped us to break the ice by making loads of funny jokes. When he talks about spiritual stuff, however, I can really see the Lord working through him. If it wasn't because of him, I don't think I would be sharing anything in my CG. So glad to have known u, Wai Wai!

Finally, Hui Yi!!! Hui Yi is the person whom I talk most in my cell group (apart from Vivien). I feel very comfortable being around her. We talked about many things and especially on the last day of camp. I really enjoyed talking to her. During praise and worship, we support each other in prayer and also just by standing next to each other. I feel very blessed to have known her during this camp. Luckily she studies in Melbourne uni. Hehe, can get to know her better!

Wai Wai & Hui Yi.

Here's some of the highlights that happenned during the camp:
Friday, 9th of April 2004
1. Arrived at Camp Aspe at 12 pm.
2. Met my new CG members.
3. Treasure Hunt starts.
4. Pastor Mark talked about The New Reality using The Matrix as an allegory.

Top row from left to right: V-Chan, Wayne and me.
Bottom row from left to right: Sofia, Lou, Vivien, Su.

Saturday, 10th of April 2004
1. Morning Praise & Worship touched David's heart.
2. Pastor Mark talks about Detachment and Engagement.
3. Seminar Workshops. Went for 'How to Read the Bible' and 'Christianity and the Rest'.
The start of more doubts in my heart.
4. Shanna is in doubt and Christianity has shaken her old spiritual foundation.
5. Su Ee received the Holy Spirit within her.
6. Shared my problems with Pastor Mark and he prayed for me. "Rest... rest... rest."
A new beginning!

Painem Su doing what she does best... cleaning up!

Sunday, 11th of April 2004
1. God touched me during praise and worship.
2. Communion.
"He has risen!" and ate the bread.
"JOY!" and drank the juice.
3. A speedy sermon about (again) Detachment and Engagement.
4. Telematch begins!
5. A fantastic sermon about "Who is Jesus."
6. Stayed up late to chat and play with friends.

Me & Chen Hwa... "I want more more more more more of God"

Monday, 12th of April 2004

1. A 'goodbye' morning sermon.
2. Camp testimony.
"The more you use your mind to think about God, the more you will confuse yourself. Feel Him and you'll know He exists."
3. Cleaning up the bunk.
4. Phototaking frenzy.
5. Left the camp to Melbourne.

The Biomeds at Easter Camp 04!!!
Clockwise from top left: Nana, Yen Ching, Lou, Sof, Su and me.
Wish Andri was here... :(

Make over

2004-04-07T19:52:00.000+10:00

Omygosh, I passed my biomed mid semester exam. So happy. I thought I would fail so badly. Thank God I passed.

What happenned today ya? Oh yeah, I went to Lincraft with Ling Shan to find inspiration on how to decorate my living room and my bathroom. Ling Shan was always filling me up with good ideas, but somehow everything didn't really work out for me. Mainly because I'm too fuzzy and I can't sow. Hemm... Found some few good ideas though. To make them to reality, however, it would cost 100$. Huaaaaa!!! Where in the world can I get that much of money?! Well, just have to work and save money lah.

Went to see Shanna and Fanne's makeover. For details please read Shanna's blog. Hehehe... Gotta start washing now. Need to start packing up for Easter Camp.

What a F#cking day

2004-04-06T20:34:00.000+10:00

I am sooooo pissed! This guy came on Sunday to fax one piece of paper. So, I sent it. The paper was too thin though so it crumpled a bit. I told the guy that I would redo it just to make sure that the fax came through perfectly. Eh, that two timing stingy guy didn't wanna pay me for two. He only wanted to pay for one. Fiiiine! I get the point. So I let hime got away with it. Today he came again... He said that the fax did not come through and that I put the papers upside down. O my gosh... I've been doin faxes so many times and I always double check twice before I do it. This guy scolded me in front of Mario and even demanded his money back from Sunday's faxing. I almost lost my temper. When he said that I put it upside down and even accussed me from reading the letter, I stood up and said, "I did not...!!!" Well, I stopped there coz I know that 'the customer is always right. Okay, when I gave him 1$ change, he demanded 1.5$ coz he said that he faxed for 2 pages. What the...?!?! I really really really hate it if someone accusses me without proof. That guy is a prototype of a kia su stingy chinese bastard. No offense, I'm Chinese as well.

Anyway, I am so screwed!!! I am 100% sure that I've flunked my IBS mid sem test. That's not all. When Shanna and I went to the biomed lunch, the word 'mentor' was written on our name tags. Matt Perugini, my course coordinator/tutor/exam coordinator was there. He noticed us and then asked us how we did on our test. Craaaaap!!! He then memorised our names... I knew coz at one point he said, "Exquse me, Andrew." Doooooomed!!! He'll be thinking, "This Andrew is the stupidest mentor I've ever seen in my life... failing his mid sem test." AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

In the shop with Sofia, Shanna, Fanne and Mario. We're doin stupid stuff... taking pics like mad. Gosh, we're very bo liau. I guess we're just too excited that our mid sem is over. Anyway, we're going driving now!!!

Sofia started driving. She drove us to La Porchetta safely. (Clapping for Sofia). Mario treated us for supper. Nyamm. But it's very fattening lah. I then took the chauffeur position for the next part of the trip. I drove from La Porchetta to docklands. Happy, I haven't forgotten how to drive after all these months. Huakakakaka! Fanne and Shanna drove for the rest of the trip. Along the trip, we're just making stupid jokes about plenty of stuff. So funny. ENJOYABLE!!!

Sunday... Good Sermon

2004-04-04T18:42:00.000+10:00

Today I can say is a good day. I'm stress free... and I haven't studied for the mid semester test yet. Gosh... I'll have to finish Paul's and Trevor's set of lectures by tonight. After American Idol that is. Hahahaha!!!

The sermon was super good today. It challenged me to be consistent to God. What I say to Him, I must also do in life. The praise and worship was also really really really good. Made me wanna cry.

Erm, nothing much after that. Opened the shop and Mario baught me Frusion juice. Wasn't that good, but thxx anywayz, Marioo. Sofia thinks that it is sooo dodgy that Mario buys me stuff. Dunno lah. :P. Loretta later came and we talked about "the ugliest person on earth". She told me that ugliness is not absolute but relative. Coz sometimes it is just never ending... u see someone ugly today. U might meet someone uglier the next day. And it goes on and on and on. We came to a conclusion that if one's personality is good, it can cover one's ugliness. On the otherhand, if someone who is not so good looking has a very bad heart, his evil deeds can 'outshine' his face and potentially become the ugliest person on earth. We also concluded that I am the most handsome person in the world (ehm, stick to the facts, please, Andrew).

Sleepy Drew

2004-04-03T23:26:00.000+10:00

Woke up at 12. Took a shower. Had lunch. Updated my blog for yesterday's activity. Started yawning. Slept again until 6. Started thinking,... how long has it been since I've been in love? Hemm very bo liau lah. should be studying. Anyway, chatted with Simon today. First thing he asked me was whether I'll be back in June. No, I won't be back in June. This picture was taken in June 3 years ago. June used to be the month when my childhood friends (who are all scattered all around Indonesia) are reunited. So much has happenned since that time. When I was still in Indo, I felt that high school was sooo sucky. I did not like what I was doing and wanted to finish high school and go to Australia so badly. Now here I am wishing to be able to turn back time. Nostalgic feeling...

Gosh... and now I'm left in the vacuum of my heart. All those memories are coming back. Have to studyyyyy!!! Can't think about this anymore.

Freaky Friday

2004-04-03T12:53:00.000+10:00

Managed to wake up early this time. Can't wait for the OCF getaway.

Anyway, today's prac was sooo crappy. Most of the stuff I just couldn't be bother doing and went straight to the textbook and Sofia's answers to solve the problems. Shanna, Fanne and I were swapping answers all the time. Sooo funny... But in the end, I understood the prack quite well. ^_^

Oh gosh... my tummy's demanding food. Have to meet my cell group friends to go Il Dolce Freddo. My friends all had durian ice cream... They said it was an indulgence. Well, in my opinion, Rocher is soooo much better.

We went to the night market afterwards. Saw so many friends: Puspa, Krit, Puspa, Elly, Puspa, Siree, Puspa, Thomas, Puspa, Eve, Puspa, Bu De, Puspa, Stephanie,... did I mention Puspa? Anyway, we had quite good fun and good xpensive hawker food. Plenty of games as well. Krit and Puspa played all the games, I think. Below is a picture of Krit trying to catch a fish using a tissue net. Futile, sighs.

What caught my attention was the gamelan show. Gamelan is a traditional Javanese percussion. I never liked the sound of it, but when I heard it then, it felt like home. What surprised me even more is that the players are mostly caucassians. What the...?!?!

Cell group was good. The mission trip to Thailand sounded interesting. Maybe it is time for me to jump out from my comfort zone. But again, maybe I need to know the Lord a lot better before I decide to do these kind of stuff. I'm just a bit too quiet and shy to reach out to people that I don't know. See first lah.

After cell, Sofia-Shanna-Germaine-John and I went to L'incontro to meet Loretta. Poor Loretta, just finished work @ ITO late @ night. But I thought that was fun. We talked about love, karma, friendship backstabbing, dreams, first impressions... that's all I could remember for now. We talked and talked and talked until 2 am. Geez... I totally enjoyed every minute. Even though my energy is slowly running out coz of the long and tiring day. Hehe... at least I know that when I get home, I can get all the sleep that I need.

The day I skipped class

2004-04-01T12:44:00.000+10:00

Forgetful mode Drew has been activated! Well, I skipped class in the end. Haha!!! I needed the sleep lah. When I woke up... wuaaah! Felt fresh. Dunno why, but that induced forgetful mode to be activated. I went to school without my lab coat. I thought to myself, "That's okay. Only a lab coat. Can borrow from the department." When I arrived, I had to do the genetics assignment. I thought 3 hours was enough. Well, it was enough to drive me crazy. it was soooo hard. In a sense I was quite confident on what I have written. But again, who knows. Fingers crossed. Lab went find. We had to count offsprings of Drosophilas and Aspergillus. I actually finished my prac 1.5 hours before time. Soooo happy. Sleep is my energy booster. I left the prack without knowing that I forgot to hand in my prelab report. Oh well... there goes my marks. Not really, I think I'm gonna suck-up to Trent (my genetics demonstrator) to spare me. Hohoho. Moral of the story: we have the right to forget things... and because of that we screw our lives. :(

Closer and Closer... Everytime I Turn Around

2004-03-31T22:45:00.000+10:00

Not much sleep lately... I can't help thinking, "is it worth it?" again. I wake up at 7 to walk to school. Sometimes, I feel that what I am doing is futile. I wake up, I get ready, I walk, I wait, I walk again... sometimes a bit too fast just to make it on time, I perspire in lecture, I'm tired, I can't concentrate, I can't think clearly, I eat more to compensate, I get fatter, I have more cholesterol... Is this all worth it? I just need one day to catch up with my sleep. Is that too much to ask? I seriously don't get some of you guys. You pray to the Lord so I can fight my laziness and be at the lecture at 8 o'clock. I have to wake up at 6 o'clock... Try and fill in my shoes, guys! You guys are struggling with your assignments and complain about how hard it is to manage your time for studies, keeping up with friends and QT. Hellooo?! Mirror, please. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't appreciate what u guys think, but I don't think that what you said was relevant to me. Today was pretty uhm... cool. Lecture was good. This Colin Anderson guy is sooo cynical and sarcastic... reminds me of myself. Maybe that's why his lecture is now implanted deep inside my brain cells. Anyway, went for lunch in Nelayan with Eve, Nat2, Andri, Shanna and Fanne. Shanna and I then went to Fanne's place to hangout. The hangout thingy was then continued in my house. I think Fanne was too excited about this until she fell down the stairs of my house... Hemm, I guess that wasn't the main reason but anyway, she's fine now after Dr. Andrew's first aid treatment. Hehehe... Popiah party was quite good. Sofia's still blaming me for everything... for the late arrival, for the carrots that I left in my place, for the lack of speed in skinning and grating turnips and for the lack of tastebuds in my tongue which results in that the popiah filling became too salty. So lucky she didn't punch me... or whip me. Popiah turned out okay though... the filling was finished, so I'll take that as a success. Anyway, cool way to catch up with the other cell group members. So tired now... sleep

What a Sushi Day...

2004-03-30T20:06:00.000+10:00

What a sushi day today... After the first lecture has ended, I was soooo hungry. So, I went and buy 2 rolls of sushi. One tofu and one chicken. Nyammm... made my day. After my second lecture, I had to attend the ISSWG (International Science Students Working Group) meeting. Hemm... they provide lunch for us. Nyamm! That's what I thought before I entered the meeting room. They served sushi today. Okay, I'm hungry anyway. So I ate a few of them. I'm at work right now. Pretty busy day, but I managed to handle all the problems. Eight o'clock. Haven't eaten yet. *krrrrrrrrrrrkk* My stomach demands food!!! Not long after that, Fanne came and she brought... ehm... sushi. I just took a bite of her teriyaki sushi. Nyaaaaaaammmm!!! And then I went to Red Silks (next door) to order a baked portugese chicken rice. What I usually do is go to Red Silks, order the food and pick it up in ten minutes (this is the third time btw). This time, the waitress (who's pretty hot) delivered the food to Mario's office. Woooow!!! She knows that I work here. Hemmm... big head! Fantasy fantasy fantasy... fantasizing. Huakakakakaka!!! Anyway, looking forward to popiah dinner tomorrow. Wakakakaka!!!

Harder to Breathe

2004-03-29T22:46:00.000+10:00

The sound of my alarm gently wakes me up. I look at the time... it's 7 a.m. I looked outside the window. It was raining. Good weather to sleep. So I did. My alarm didn't seem to like it, though. It screamed another horrible sound to wake me up. Okay, I get it... wake up now or be late for school. Enough of the prelude. Let's see, what did I do today? Oh yes, I went to Boxhill with Mario, Sofia and Fanne. We shopped for poh-pia preparation. Let's see... we just realised that our 'vegetably knowledge' is crappy. Turnip... what is a turnip? According to Cendrawan, S. 2004, "A turnip has white flesh when u eat it." Well, the clue doesn't help us much. But with a bit of bugging the shop assistant, I think we've gotten everything we need. Watched 50 First Days with Eve, Pus, Nat and Julia. Sofia and Shanna says that it is a very good movie. They cried for it, I think. Well, it's time for movie reviewer - Andrew Green's - perspective. Good concept, very creative. Cheeky and witty humor. Storyline's a bit too long... I think I can cut a few scenes out and it won't make a difference to the movie. Finally, the ending is quite odd. -SPOILER- I can't imagine waking up every morning reminding your wife, "Hi, honey. I'm your husband. You've lost your memory so u can't remember me. But I can assure u that u love me a lot." Well, if there is such a person in this world,... I salute you. That is called unconditional love. ^_^ Got my hands on a vacuum cleaner at last (curtessy of Fanne, hehe). So happy. When I got home from Crown I happily vacuummed my living room, my kitchen and my room. Feel so clean now. What's the word I'm looking for? Oh yeah... hygienic. Hahaha! Look who's Painem now, Su?!!?

What A Day

2004-03-28T16:59:00.000+10:00

The covenant... a true meaning of love Yesterday, I read Fanne's blog and I have been thinking about what love actually means. To me, love is all around us. It's something that makes us feel good but also so sad sometimes. Undescribable. This morning I feel so much better. I had my 8, I mean 10 hours sleep. So satisfied. (OINK!!!!) All the anger just went away. It does not mean that I've forgotten the problem, but at least I can act normally in front of the person. Well, when I mean normally is I can bear speaking to her for more than 1 minute. Haha... Evil Andrew! But seriously, thanx for the support guys. Church was gooood. An acapella group came on stage and sung 4 beautiful songs. It was just amazing how they managed to create harmony without any instruments but their mouths. The sermon itself was fantastic. It taught me that our relationship with God is a covenant. The covenant is linked by the blood of Jesus who died for us so we can be closer to our God and love Him as much as how God loves us. Our God is a loving God. But He is also a God of anger. He is angry to those who do not believe of His existence and commit things he prohibits. I wonder... if God gets angry sometimes, do we have the right to get angry as well? Can anyone help me in this matter? I'm so surprised to meet my old friend Sari today in Church. It has been a long time since the last I've seen her. Anyway, we went for lunch together. She told me that she's looking for a cell group to help her understand God more. So, I asked her to join my cell group. She agreed. Wuaaaaah!!! Our cell group is getting pretty big now. Work was quite fun. I'm stuck with 2nd Big Boss and Shanna. 2nd Big Boss is very scary. She brings a whip to whip us when we make mistakes. And everytime we finish work she'll lock us inside a cage until 1st Big Boss (the merciful Mario) comes and unlocks the cage. ... Okay, that was too much imagination. Anyway, Sofia's in Planet Shaker Church with Shanna. I'm working alone and trying to study at the same time. Hemm... okay, protein structure... Enzyme?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

She is such a bitch

2004-03-27T19:15:00.000+11:00

I do agree that someone who looks nice and is active in church can be the worst BITCH. Being locked out is one thing. But please, if you're angry, don't blame it all to me. I have had enough of you and your "I am never wrong" attitude. From now on you are in my book of SUPER BITCHES. End of discussion! Sorry for the harsh start. But I need to get things out of the way. Writing down what you think is very therapeutical, you see. Well, at least it is to me. Saturday... pretty boring. I woke up at 9. That kills me. I need sleeeeeep!!! I've been having 5-6 hours of sleep during the weekdays. I have to catch up in the weekends... Gosh, waking up at 7 for school everyday really has forced me to develop a habit of waking up early. Again... why am I complaining? Oh yes, coz I need sleeeeeeeeeeeeep!!! I am so angry. I feel like punching or kicking something. Relax, Andrew... anger management.Why am I angry again? Oh yes have to face a bitchy bitch and not enough sleep. The sky isn't always blue The sun doesn't always shine It's alright to fall apart sometimes ... I always use those lines to justify myself when I'm feeling angry. I guess, I'm not using it correctly. Perhaps (and I am quite sure that) there is a deeper meaning embodied in the complete poem. But I like mis-interpreting stuff.Or maybe I just want something to give me backup, i.e. to support why I have the right to be angry.

Blaming Someone Else

2004-03-26T23:59:00.000+11:00

Being blur is one thing. But being super blur is just sooooo me sometimes. I came out of the house today without my wallet and handphone. I just realised when I was half a block away from my place. I said to myself, "It's okay, no one's gonna phone me today and I've brought my lunch anyway." So, off I went. Today I start my biomed 101 tutor thingy. I got a nerdy group. Oh, God saaaaave me. But it was good. They are all enthusiastic and ask a lot of questions. Makes my job easier. Hemm. Megan, the senior tutor whom I work with, is so funky. She's a PhD student for neural psychology. She brings loads of snacks to class: Tim Tam, Lollies, donuts... nyamm!!! I'm starting to enjoy the Biomed 101. Hemm, doooonuts. (in a Homer Simpson-ish way). Prack was hectic. Part 1 and 2 we only needed to set up the microscope and to observe the Amoeba and their pseudopodia. Even though it sounds easy, I succeeded in squashing my Amoeba twice. Wasn't a good start,... but I finished it anyway. The third part was the problem! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! We had to design an experiment to know whether myosin is involved in cellular movement in such a short period of time. Panicking panicking panicking. Well, at least I've done a bit at home. So, I managed to finish on time. Fuuuh! Walked home... assuming that Tya was at home already coz she had the keys. Crappiness is just on my side today. She was NOT home. Neither was Julia. I'm stuck outside. Nooooooo!!! Waited outside for half an hour. No one came. Hungry!!! My catering came. Hurraaaaaaaay! Ate the whole lot... lucky i took a spfork from Sofia's house. Waited for another half an hour. Desperate... I went to my friends' apartment in Southbank. Lucky I have an 'emergency pack' stored at Puspa's apartment. So, I took a shower there and borrowed Puspa's monthly ticket so I can rush back to uni for OCF. Cell group was fun. Surprised to see Shanna there, but at the same time I was very happy that she was there with us. ^_^ The topic for the Bible study was very relevant to me. It was about trials and temptations. Trials are there for us because God lets us experience them. Trials may cause 2 outcomes: obeying to temptations which come out from our devilish desires or an increase in faith as we manage to solve the problem in the right way. Look at what I've came through today. The trial is that I've got locked out. The temptation is to blame someone else. In a sense I did blame my housemate for not being home and for taking her time to get the third set of keys from the agent. After five minutes I just realised that 99.999% of the problem is my fault. So I'll just go to my friends house and come back home later. Did I pass the trial? Well, I don't know... only My Father knows.

What a Blurry Day

2004-03-25T19:53:00.001+11:00

What a Blurry Day! Went out in darkness at 6.50 a.m. to go to Sofia's house to pick her up to school. Gosh, the first lecture was sooo damn boring. But in a sense it made me scared... I haven't studied at all. Well, I'll have to make a start. What about the day after tomorrow?!!? (hehe, very lazy lah) Helped Fanne create her blog with Shanna and Andri today in Baillieu Library. After that we went to the basement and sat on the sofa. I managed to fall asleep. Waaah, when I woke up, I looked at my watch which showed 10 past 2. I very panic lah! I just grabbed my bag and pulled Fanne off the sofa. After a few minutes of running, Fanne told me, "Andrew,... it's 10 to 2! Relax." Oh gosh... very shy now! Met Daniel today, he looks tired and skinny. He told me that he's stressed with homework and his part time job. Well, Daniel... I just got through the same problem yesterday. Do what u think is right for u lah. ^_^ Missed summer holiday a lot. All those stupid and funny thingy we do together with the others... Time to clean up my room now... taaaaagh!

Give in to Him

2004-03-24T21:34:00.000+11:00

I can say that in the past 3 months, I have experienced a love that touches my heart like never before. When I am in need of something, I'll try so hard to get it. But at the end, everything ends in futility. I have always thought that God is someone to pray to for help and that whatever we want to achieve, we must try to do it ourselves. I just learned a simple lesson today: give in to God. Give all your burdens to God. He'll make a way for you. He'll carry the weight for you. Give in to Him, trust Him to guide you along the path in every step that you make. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The question I have been asking myself the past few days is "Is it worth it?" Is it worth it to risk all that I have just to do something that is not absolutely needed for now? During lunch, Shanna told me a beautiful story about a boy suffering from cystic fibrosis whose father went out and push his wheelchair around America to raise money to cure him. Every morning the father asks himself, "Is this all worth it?" ... The story ends there, but it challenged me to dig deeper inside my heart and to open my heart to the Lord to help me answer that question. After one whole day of dilemma, I made a decision to quit my job at New Zealand Ice Cream. I promised the Lord yesterday that I would take the shot and try my best. But, I am just so scared that I will sacrifice more than what I can give. Losing the job isn't exactly an easy matter. I had so much inside my mind on what to do with all the money I could've obtained, but especially, to be financially free (partially). Financially free as in not to ask more money from my Mum. She can just pay for my school fees. I'll pay for everything else, i.e. housing, food, clothes, household items, etc. When I gave up the work, it felt like my dreams and hopes were all shattered and once again I am a 'heavier burden' for my mum. However, I also felt that I was free. I have more time to do whatever I wanted... I went to Ying Thai Lygon with Mario, Sofia, Shanna and Su. We had a good time there. Just after ordering the food, Sofia told us that we were all getting a pay raise and do more serious stuff in the office. At that point, I felt like God has answered my doubts. It seems that He whispered these few words through my ears, "There, I have taken some of the weight off your back." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I almost sacrificed my life today when Su managed to persuade Mario to drive his car. She drove me home today. How good was her driving?! Well, I'm still alive and Su's back home safely. So, that means that she is an okay driver! But I still think Su's more talented in housekeeping... ya, Painem? Hehe... Today has been a very long day for me. So much has happenned. And I am thankful that it all happenned.

First Day...

2004-03-23T21:12:00.000+11:00

What have I gotten myself into?!?!?! I woke up this morning feeling sure that I've done everything. As it so happens, I haven't done my IBS prack at all. After the second lecture (which I thought it was so full of crap... up yours, transcarbamylase!) I intended to borrow someone's prack book to get some ideas. I knew very well that the person has finished the prack report before Monday. As it so happens, the person refused to lend me the book by saying, "I'm not done yet." Okay, fine. I get the point. Well, I then borrowed Lou's prack book (thxx Lou, u're such a darling :P). So I spent 3 hours in Baillieu trying to figure out how the whole experiment works. And I did it... and found out that Lou didn't answer a part of the prack. I called her and told her to redo it before I submit it. On our way back from uni, all of a sudden she was asking me who are the cute guys in OCF. She said that she wants a 'male point of view'. Oh gosh. :O I got back home at 4. I was so tired... I wanted to rest. No time for that. I got called for my third job in New Zealand Crown. I never knew that F&B stuff could be so hard. Or maybe it's just me. I just hope that I can survive this job. At the end of the shift, my boss told me, "Come again on Saturday. I'll see how u can cope with things on a busy day. If u succeed, I'll give u 3 shifts a week. If not, out u go." I seriously felt (and still am) like crap. What have I gotten myself into? I just learned loads of things in two hours: scooping ice cream, making waffles, coffee, shakes, juices, smoothies. They only told me HOW to make the stuff instead of LETTING ME TRY to make the stuff myself. There is just so much I can take. I'll try my best for next Saturday. If I make it, I make it. If I don't, I don't. At the end of the day, why am I complaining? Thank you, Lord for letting me have the opportunity of getting the job. I know that the obstacles are frightening and sometimes they seem impenetrable, but I will try and do my best. Not for me, but for YOU, Lord. U have given me this chance and I will no let it go away without a fight. Thank you Lord, that I still understand some of the lectures given in uni. I might not know everything in detail, but at least I know what's going on most of the times. Life is like a one dollar coin, there are two sides for each problem we are facing. It's up 2 u which way u look at it but the coin remains to be a one dollar coin. Look at the bright side always, Andrew! :)))

Stuck In The Middle

2004-03-23T00:55:00.000+11:00

My heart was swimming in words gathered by the wind. My voice bounded into a cloud-carried tomorrow. The heart trembled in the moon-swayed mirror. Soft tears, spilled with a stream of stars. Isn't it wonderful? If we could walk, hand in hand, I'd want to go to your town, your home... with you (Translated from Suteki Da Ne by Nobuo Uematsu) I wish that I could be in peace with myself and those around me. I hate being hypocritical about stuff that I don't really like. I hate talking behind backs. Life is just so unfair sometimes. The one that u have the most problem with is the one who is the closest u. I am tired of being in the middle.

Fixing A Pair Of Crooked Glasses

2004-03-22T21:46:00.000+11:00

It started 3 months ago. I was playing basketball with Ave and Adri, my two close friends, in a church yard in Solo. Ave's passing hit me in the eyes. My specs flew and it was bent. I tried fixing it manually and I thought I did a great job. :D As it so happens, 'the great job' is actually very lousy... I never thought that it was so crooked until today. After the 9 am lecture, I made a start to walk to the city. Just when I passed by Trinity Swanston, I felt like meeting Kim, Trinity's chaplain. When I met her, she said, "Crooked glasses, young man. Let me fix that for you." And it was fixed. She asked me, "You look troubled, how's everything?". ....................................................................................................................... Things aren't as simple as fixing crooked specs. A crooked pair of specs may only take a screw to tighten and a pair of tweesers to straighten. Life isn't a simple matter. I guess, in time, the problems will all be solved. For now, I'll just hold my Lord tightly and let Him show the way. ....................................................................................................................... At last I managed to talk to Ona. As predicted, I can only give stupid advice. I'm really bad at giving advice. Anyway, I feel her pain and it hurts me to know that someone is in pain and that I can't help at all. Sooo saaaaaaaaad.... hungry! Andri came and bought me food. What a dear friend. What would I do without him? (be rich and famous lah). JK JK.

Reaching The Stars... Stars That Shimmer In Darkness

2004-03-22T14:00:00.000+11:00

This should be Sunday's blog... but I haven't got the chance to post it until now. Wuah, Saturday night, I watched '30 Hari Mencari Cinta' with Puspa and Nat2. The film is about three girls trying to get a boyfriend each in 30 days. Very funny lah. Haven't heard snappy Indo jokes for a while. I really enjoyed it. I loved the soundtrack a lot. I'm planning to get one ASAP (i.e. download the whole album when my internet is on :P). Dunno why, when I got home I went straight to my computer and listened to 'Beautiful Life' soundtrack over and over again. I guess I felt a bit lonely and too tired to deal with all the problems I'm facing.... school, schoolwork, work. I woke up at 12 pm on Sunday. The 13 hours sleep was really an energy booster for me. After I took a shower, I planned to study. Well, Sofia called me and asked me whether I wanted to chip in for a cake and come to celebrate Mario's 24th birthday. And I came... and ate a slice of the devilish marsbar cake. It was sooo damn good! When I got home, I looked at an empty cage that was once the home of Shithouse, my shit-producing rabbit. Although I kinda hated him for not liking me and shitting all over the place, I felt like I could use a friend. Even if it is just the stinky rabbit. Okay, I admit it... I feel sad (until now) for returning the rabbit back to the petshop. Gosh! The point of the blog today is: At night, I feel so alone. No matter what happenned during the day, when darkness engulfs the light, I feel so alone. I have no idea why. It is like that I am alone in the middle of a crowd....

The Cell Is The Basis of Life

2004-03-20T13:01:00.000+11:00

Erh, I'm at work right now... tired... had 4 hours of sleep only. Been talking and sharing with two of my cellgroup friends: Linsey and Jon. Recap: Yesterday we went to Jon's house for a cell group bonding, i.e. movie marathon. Huakaka... We saw this HK movie starring Andy Lau. I think it was the King of Gamblers or something. The other movie we watched was Zoolander. So damn funny. Ben Stiller is just annoyingly dumb. Him and his 'self proclaimmed beauty' is just soooo wrong that it's not even funny. Maybe I should reduce my 'thick skin' a bit,... I don't wanna end up like Zoolander. :P Anyway, that's not so important. The thing is, I really really really enjoyed talking with Linsey and Jon. I am just amazed on how similar Jon's life is to mine (even though I didn't say anything at the time). Linsey is just sooo cool and brings up these interesting topics to talk about. Linsey's definitely one of the most congenial person I have ever met. Thanx guys for listening to my stupid stories. You guys are great. Sofia and Germaine were dead asleep on the beanbag and the couch (respectively) when we were sharing. Feel like waking them up, but I know if I do that, I'll end up with a bruise on my left eye. So, I waited until 7 am to do that. Can't go to Loretta's house warming party coz I'm working. Wish I could be there. But it's okay, I'll be going with Puspa and Nat2 to watch '30 Hari Mencari Cinta' (Finding love in 30 days). Hope it's good.

Things Happen

2004-03-20T01:20:00.000+11:00

To a person whom I have not met yet It is hard to express in words what I feel right now. Imagine having a friend that u have known all of your life in need of help... and whatever u do, u just cannot help her. It is just sad. I have no internet connection at home for the past 4 weeks. I don't know what my friends are going through. I am ashamed. Ashamed for not being able to do anything. Ashamed for not knowing anything. Ashamed that I am only there in happiness but not in sadness. Fate is so cruel sometimes. Fate sends sorrow to strike us at times when we are least prepared. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would do that for you. You know that I would. I can only pray for your comfort. I wish I could say something when you cry to me. However, the words are stuck at the tip of my tongue. I wish I could comfort you in a better way. But maybe, I'm just hopeless. Why do I cry when you cry? Am I making u feel burdened if I cry with you? If u do, I'm sorry. For all the things I've done. I am sorry. For all the things I have not done. I am sorry. For all the things that I have or have not said. I am sorry.